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September 1, 2025 My heart feels so heavy today. It’s been days—maybe even a whole month—that I’ve been carrying this weight. I’m still in a relationship, but every day feels like a battle between staying and letting go. It’s never an easy choice, and this isn’t how I imagined things would turn out. This isn’t what I wanted. But maybe this is exactly what I need. So today, I’m finally admitting that to myself. Even if it hurts, even if it feels like tearing myself apart, I know I need to let go. I’m just waiting for the right moment, keeping myself calm, but the heaviness doesn’t go away. I know I still love him, but love isn’t enough anymore. I’ve felt so much disrespect, and the only way I can give myself the respect I deserve now is by walking away. It’s sad, because I want to feel angry—but I can’t. Maybe because, in some way, I tolerated it. Maybe because it was still my choice to stay in this relationship, even with the flaws and lapses, both his and mine. But I know now—we aren’t aligned anymore. Anytime soon—whether tomorrow, next week, or next month—I might finally choose to walk away. And I believe it’s for the best. Not because I quit on love, but because I clung to it so tightly that it started to break me, piece by piece. I held onto hope for so long, but now that hope feels empty. I want to stay firm in this decision, though I don’t know what the next steps will look like. I don’t know what the days ahead will bring. But I do know this: better days are coming. Maybe this is what I need. Maybe this is what Jez needs. Maybe this is the wake-up call we both have to face—for growth, for healing. It still hurts. I trusted so much, and now I don’t even know how to trust anymore. That’s unfair to me—and maybe unfair to him too. Because now, everything he does, I find myself questioning. I don’t even know why I’m staying anymore. I used to be able to list reasons to hold on, but now, all I see are reasons to leave. And yet, I kept clinging to that tiny flicker of hope that things could be saved. But today, that hope feels empty. Today, I choose to love myself enough to let go. I want to give myself grace, even if I don’t know where life will take me next. This is how I feel. This is where I am.