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To us, 6 months from now Hello and good day, I sure hope youre doing better for yourself, the day this letter was written is the 1st of September 2025, this will be the 6th letter im sending into the future for ourselves to read, Im writing to talk about how our year went this time around. First of all, I must admit that I have procrastinated and almost forgot about writing a letter to our future selves, which would be a disservice to the past us and our goal to write a future letter every year, the day of writing this letter should have been on the 27th of June 2025 but we are now in September, so a while has passed. To make up for it, I wont make you wait too long for this letter, so stay tuned in 6 months! This year was an interesting one, one of growth and lessons learnt, it has also been a very frustrating and tiring year so far. Ive also had the unique opportunity of trying something different. This time of writing Im in the buffer week before final exams for the first sem of our final year of degree (Crazy), this whole semester has been hectic, tiring with a little bit of heartbreak right at the end of this semester, and right before this **** semester there was a 4 month long internship where i did an 8-5 five days a week , the coworkers were great but the work was overall boring as hell and i kinda hated it, I did feel good at times though cause i seem to be able to solve problems for them. Would I do it again? absolutely not, those are 4 months im never getting back again, theres really not much worth talking about except the fact that a classmate ended up working there too and sat next to me for those 4 months, he was very annoying at times and we have polar opposite views in life, I dont think I'll ever be his friend and i think he can agree to that, made me question my own personal values and beliefs too and now I know what kind of people i want in life, thats probably the best thing ive learnt during this internship. Now, back to the semester, same old assignments, plenty... Along with class tests and exams coming soon, a part of me is glad the semester ended but another part of me also fears what is to come next, it may be even worse since ive written about my FYP already but have not worked on it yet (do tell me how it goes haha), but honestly these are all nothing compared to the fact that I just got my *** rejected, last night. This girl, Im sure you'll remember, we vibe and talk about the things we like, we've got some things in common and shes fun to talk to, she even once popped the question last year early on if we were clean or not when a friend was teasing me when im around her, I was unsure and said i had to know her better first, I then distanced myself and avoided her for a bit. One year later, after internships and the beginning of the sem, we talked again and slowly I started to like her, we started texting more often, sometimes hours, I swear i was seeing signs she was reciprocating interest but i guess she just saw me as a friend this whole time. Now im here, picking up the pieces of my shattered heart and soul, I feel a mix of anger, frustration, confusion and actual suprise that she didnt feel even a little hint of interest, like thats crazy. Was she leading me on? She said shes sorry if she has in some way led me on but i just said not to worry about it and shes still cool, but honestly im not quite sure how ill react when i see her, to put it simply, a part of me resents her now for not even being open to seeing where things go, I saw potential but i guess she dosent feel the same, but i now know better than to act on these impulses, I also feel unfair that she can just go on with her day like nothing happened (which may not be true) while Im stuck here with the pain and humiliation, I feel like a loser.... I saw potential and a 'maybe' that we could be something special, I didnt like her because of the way she looks, i liked her because of the connection and the chance that we could make something meaningful out of this. Writing this letter is a form of grieving this loss... The weird thing is that I have not really cried yet, our good friend said its good for us to feel these emotions, but instead I feel less sad and more confused, angry and felt like ive been done dirty and dealt a bad hand, I feel empty like somehting is missing. But its not the heavy kind of feeling, its the type of feeling that just sits there, not overwhelming but its presence is such that I cant help but feel it and acknowledge it, maybe I still need more time to process how i feel, maybe ill cry later. But I did go on 7 Cups again for someone to listen to, the listener, he said it best, 'you're gonna be fine' and 'everything will be okay', I know that... I just dont feel it right now, everything they say I agree with, I just cant help but feel otherwise, I started devaluing myself, I told myself that maybe she thinks she can find someone better. Which really sucks to say honestly, after years of self reflection and growth, it seems like i still cant get what i want, a part of my self improvement journey was because i wanted to be able to find a partner, someone that i can care for and be cared by, to figure things out and walk through life with, its about the journey and i was all for that, they say in life you never get the things you want. Now i feel it and believe its real (depression and anxiety is once again rearing its ugly head) All i ever wanted was to be loved, not for who im related to or what i can do, but solely for the person that I am and the person that I can be, but even that is hard to come by. Before this happened, the first half of the year I've been using dating apps to find new matches and go on dates, I went on 5 dates in total i think, one reason was that i wanted proof that I was datable and someone that is worth liking, another reason is that i felt lonely and it was just a form of escaping from that feeling, out of those 5 dates, none went further than the first date, part of it is because i didnt really know what i wanted, I just asked them out on a date so i can say i went out on a date with this attractive girl, so i can tell stories and reassure myself that Im worth something at least, but because I was occupied thinking about that, another part of me did it to distract myself from the feeling for this girl in school too,this was during internship so i had no way to see or talk to her, I started dating for looks, I ended up trying too hard or not showing up as my real self. Ended up not getting anything at all, other than the lessons learnt and the hurt, getting matches is no problem but whats it worth if it leads to nothing? The whole online dating thing is so transactional, either i like them and they dont, or they like me and i dont, and yet... Ive started to use them again, partly to cope and partly to explore options again. I wouldnt say this is the healthiest coping method but it is what it is (already got new matches so we'll see) There's this famous saying about relationships and how being rejected should not define who you are as a person, "You can be the sweetest peach on the tree, but some people just dont like peaches".... Maybe they like apples, unlucky me i guess, some people also say that rejection is a form of redirection towards the right place, that may be true but its still too early to say. In the end, the silver lining was that I did something ive never done before, i sought closure. Which is a brave thing to do, credit where credit is due, and you know what? No regrets at all, because if i didnt ask, Id probably be still here overthinking every single little interaction and beating myself up for not being honest with her, it'll mean im repeating a cycle from the past and that i have failed to learn from past mistakes. I felt it was about time too anyways, I left it until the end of the semester to pop the question in case things dont go well so i have time to pick myself back up and not make things awkward, a part of me isnt sure if i still want to talk to her when i see her in school. Im going to do my best to keep things cool with her, might group up for assignments or go out with the group for lunches so yea, I need to accept things the way they are without resentment. I believe this resentment is also a part of my grieving process, the listener from 7 Cups mentioned that im giving her too much power over me. I agree, which makes me resent her and the fact im feeling this way even more. Im not as mature as i thought it seems.... But then again, this was something new to us, I think that in itself is worth being proud about, maybe us in 6 months will already look back at this moment and be glad we got an answer and found closure, maybe we'll learn to grow from it too. Maybe things will only got up from here, i hope so at least. I think if this happened to us from a year or two ago, we'd be in a complete emotional mess. We're not the same now, i can say that with at least 70% confidence. NO way we've been through all that and not learnt a thing or two about accepting setbacks, NO way we've been through all that and still hate ourselves that much. I was told that im being too hard on myself, but to be perfectly honest. We're much better now than before, it'll be a matter of time before things get better again and life goes on. I'll probably be looking for new opportunities for connection, thinking of going back into volleyball again, the shoulder injury should be much better now anyways. Im glad she was at least being honest and upfront about her feelings too instead of leading me on. NO means NO and ill take that as the end of it, no more speculating, no more thinking about every single little moment and finding significance in them, no more tying meaning to the expressions and the smiles or the little brushes of the shoulders or knees. Ive learnt that signs alone isnt enough to gauge how someone feels; I now see why people say to not take hints, now i understand that. Nothing gives a more clearer answer than just asking directly if theres something going on.... And for that, Im grateful.... This year isnt even over yet but it sure feels like it is, so much has happened, Ive learnt that I can go on dates, Ive learnt that i can put my best self out there and still be rejected. Ive also learnt that there are people that care about me, the friends around me, oh how i have forgotten about them.... The people that matter to me, instead of being grateful to have them in my life, I sit around and complain that the fact they are all mostly guys. For that I am sorry, but another part of me believes a friendship and a relationship provides two very different things, the feeling of being wholely accepted is something that only a relationship can bring, which is something i crave for. All these years and still not getting that, the problem is that youre not in control of how someone else feels about you, and youre left at their whims. The emotional investment and those feelings, spoken and unspoken, all on this person that may not feel the same way. To find love truly is to risk being hurt.... Ive rejected people before but now that its happened to me, i now know how it feels too. in a funny way what comes around goes around, it sure feels unfair too but hey thats just the way it is. Ive been so distracted with throwing ourselves a pity party, that i almost forgot to talk about something really cool that happened this year, towards the end of July (25th-30th). I had the opportunity and the honour of being selected as part of the Malaysian delegation to attend the World's Youth Peace Conference in China, it was an all expense paid trip (except arrival flight) by the regional government of Xi'an and Beijing. so that was pretty cool, it was nice being treated like someone important, the hotels, the food, the plan ticket everything, the highlight was definitely meeting the other delegates from all around ASEAN, my favourites are definitely the ones from the Philipines (Theyre fun people and I got real drunk with them, but theyre cool and dragged me back to my room, ill never forget that) and Vietnam (theres this cute girl i talked to, we took photos and it was nice, maybe if i wanted to, things could have gone somewhere), theres also these two Laotian girls who were pretty nice too, one of them even wanted to keep talking, i didnt reciprocate so we move on. brought back a lot of souvernirs from them and some cookies from the organizer from China, cool guy honestly. Got to visit two top unis in china, Jiaotong in Xi'an and Beijing Uni in Beijing of course, had to give a talk about peace and economic coorperation in Jiaotong so that was definitely something, I fluffed my lines in front of hundreds of people but dont think they noticed. At least i can say ive done that before i guess. But yea, overall this year has been very eventful, in terms of personal achievements and in terms of relationships. Ive not been able to get what i want yet but i feel im heading in the right direction, at least now i know what its like to be honest. In 6 months we will probably be waiting for our final results or have already graduated, there will be people that we will never see again after this period of time, maybe her included. And that's okay, unfortunate of course but thats just the way life is, im sure we both already know that, a chapter closes and another one begins, a door closes and another opens, you get what i mean. FYP must have been a pain the *** man I just know it, you've worked hard despite your circumstances. Ive learnt that we are our harshest critics, but we can also learn to be our greatest ally. Because if we dont stand up for ourselves, who will? Remember the ADHD meds we were taking? I dont even take them anymore, im almost done with them but i dont think i need a new prescription. Ive been able to handle problems better ourselves, we're not perfect but we're getting better no doubt. And so what that I have to see her again in a few weeks? No big deal, just say hi and we'll see what happens after, I trust we wont make it weird. we are graduating soon anyways, for better or worse we will have other things to worry about. I know for sure I am not staying in this field forever. We're still learning the ways of life, lets learn to be kinder to ourselves, our past selves are looking at the person we are now and im sure they are astonished with how much we have grown in these past few years. And one day, us in the future will look back at all these letters, just like how we did with out past letters, and smile and reminisce of the days gone by, and how simple life was back then, when there was nothing else to worry about except how our friends see us and how a girl did not feel the same way. NOW that, is what growth will look like. I look forward to that..... This is probably the longest letter we have ever written,sent, and read. I like to think my writing is good but maybe you'll be even better. Today is a Monday, the 1st of September, one day after Merdeka, one day after rejection. Started writing this letter at about 1PM, should have checked the time but its close enough, it is now 2.10 PM and counting, still writing this in the same old bedroom where we wrote every other letter. Some things never change, not yet at least. Until then, take care, good health and the best of luck! To Us and everything else, life can only get more uncertain from here. But I trust we'll manage like we did with everything else. Remember to keep us in our thoughts! Think of how far we've come and we still got a long way to go! Once again, until then... Signing off, you'll do good and im sure of it, I'll handle whats to come next and you'll take over after. Farewell and Goodbye! (can you tell i dont want this to end? still not good at goodbyes i guess) Sincerely, Us ( 2018-2022,2023,2024,2025)