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Dear FutureMe, hello i how are you living your best life when you receive this letter from me? I am currently sobbing my eyes out as I feel so overwhelmed about a lot of things, one of which is that I have an appointment tomorrow with a housing officer about our current housing situation. I don't know what exactly he is going to say, but I pray it's all things positive. The new management at work is trying to split myself my mum and up so that we each take one day off. It's been a very stressful time, coming to terms with and trying to calm my mum's nerves and the fits of anger she's been having have been taking a toll on me mentally. I feel overwhelmed and constantly holding my tongue back whenever my brother goes on these long never never-ending tirades about government and politics. And knowing deep down he's never had the same energy to help us out or be a supportive shoulder we could lean on. Whenever I try to tell my mum to stop babying my brother, and he turns 27 in a few days, she sees me as wrongen and asks me to be my old self. There is so much I regret that I didnt do in my twenties. I am currently 28, and I feel like my youth has been stolen. I honestly don't want to be a constant victim mentally who has been suffering throughout my twenties. I'm deciding to break free and experience the world with all its colours. I have been sheltered throughout my life. I've never had anybody to speak for me or advocate for me, even in friendships. I felt like I was there for convenience, and whenever they were done with me, they would toss me aside. I also think I like the very little attention I receive from them because of how straved I was at home. I had a love/hate relationship with my grandmother. I would go everywhere with her; I was her walking stick. It was kinda cute. Whilst people in their twenties were either studying, working, or building friendships. I was between work and home, no friendship, no connection with the outside world. My phone gets checked now and then. The weird thing they would trust me to solve all their problem, but they were incapable of trusting me as a person. How very interesting! Based on my writing, I was not an academic genius, duh. I failed all the time, however hard I tried, cried and prayed, nothing was working. I felt like the worst person in the world. Now I'm still in that same spot, but I feel like my eyes have slowly opened to my reality. I'm weirdly kinda grateful that I fail because if I entered the workforce with that loser mentality, I would be the communal foot rest. My putting pressure on myself to get married. This is due my cousin getting married. I told i don't want to, and she thinks I am crazy. I told her that if things don't turn out well for her, she has a mum and dad who are financially independent. they will be her safety blanket when things get rough. but my mum dismissed me. Another reason why I reject the idea of getting married is that both my mum and grandmother got married for escapism, and both ended up with very abusive men, and I refuse to carry that generational trauma. I dont hold any animosity towards them as i feel like once upon they were young girls with dreams that were not given the chance to flourish and bask in their beauty . I've decided that enough is enough. I will take the reins and be the best version on myself and break these patterns that have kept me in a never-ending loop. thank you for reading.