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Trent, Let's try this again. 2020 letter, what progress? You left one addiction that ruined your life, lost friends, grew apart from family and lost multiple good relationships. It's always you. You continue through life with a silent addiction. Yes you've gained a good career but you hate yourself. Your girl of 8years leaving you was because of you and your addiction. When it ended, you had time alone, withdrew further and the addiction grew.. cocaine, Xanax.. any pharmaceutical you'll take it. You take any random pill to try and feel something. You used to enjoy a night out, being social and time with friends. Now you get anxious with a simple shopping trip. You used to do drugs on nights out for fun, now you do drugs at home alone. It's changed you. It's taken your spark. Now you are so low and down and you try everything to get some happiness back in your life. You met the love of your life unexpectedly, she pulled you out of that rut. You had someone you have never felt that connection with before. Love so strong, you could just look in her eyes and feel safe and home. Time went by.. 6 months of happiness and she got overwhelmed of the thought of a relationship.. she had never had the love and support of a partner like this before.. a relationship.. she questioned it all.. as soon as she grew cold, it started again. You weren't getting the love you needed and went back to cocaine. It started a bag a week, turned to 2. At times you buy 5-7 grams a week, to function. Meanwhile nobody knew a ******* thing.. that's the worst part. You did it every ******* day, mixing cocaine with Xanax and valium and anything else to help you sleep. And you had a ******* heart attack last December at mid 30s.. Now you have a heart condition. Yet a week later your back sniffing lines.. Hiding everything, almost ******* yourself so many ******* times. But you don't stop. You don't even feel a joy from it anymore.. It's a habit, you snort lines at home and now you have to drink while you do it so you don't get heart palpitations and pains because the cocaine ***** with your heart and head so much. But you don't ******* stop! The love of your life left you. Because of you. 12 months is all she took before she needed change. She didn't know it at the time, but now she's away from you she's out the pieces together. She knows what you are, what you were.. she's probably found so many empty bags and straws laying around her house and she knows all your secrets You hope she doesn't hate you, but you know she does. And you're ashamed, because you lied for so long, for a short term fix of happiness when you should of put that time and effort into her. She was the love of your life. You despise her now for leaving you, but you know deep down.. it's her. She's your person AND YOU RUINED IT. Another relationship, how many in 15 years? Good people you ****** over. It's been 2 months. 2 months of crying, 2 months of depression and anger.. drinking, drug fuelled late nights You finally have your own space, a new beginning. You did 2 weeks off it and felt good. But now the second you are in your own head, a problem occurs like your family checking in to see if your okay and you turned straight back to cocaine. Why?? $700 bill, no sleep and a horrible week ahead. There's got to be a better answer to dealing with your problems with short term fixes to numb yourself. Your miserable. You missed a best friend's wedding to sit at home depressed to face the people you let down. It's 3:34am you are going to hate yourself more later today. Please Trent please, make some good decisions. You are capable! You need to excel in your job, everyone counts on you. You have a beautiful new home. Take a break, you don't need cocaine. It was drinking, it was ice, it was Xanax and now cocaine. Take a ******* break. You are so capable of doing good things! Goals for remainder of the year. - sobriety - make amends with the people you wronged. - save a safety bank account - find your spark again. - be happy - forgive youself If you read this in 6 months and nothing's changed I really don't know what the **** to do. The last letter was 2020 and you haven't ******* changed. Please Trent. I hope you realise what's at stake. You'll receive this in 6 months. I hope you're better.