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Dear FutureMe, Hey! Just wanna let u know it's August 24, 2025, exactly 10:30 p.m. I'mma just write here my rants and what I feel. I think its been 2 or 3 weeks with no talking or any contact at all. She's been avoiding me before that day I distanced myself because I was thinking a lot and there was a problem at my house (before I got in school). My head were aching hard and kept my anger within. Yes I was very late and I got zero points for my attendance that day, worst it was worth 30 points. I was very disappointed. After that my so-called close friend told me (in a I dunno what way she was talking abt it) that I did not make it in time for my attendance and lost 30 points. Well, I said to her that there was a 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗰𝘁 at our house and my fcking head hurts a lot. I didn't spoke to her and I gave myself some space and prevent further talking. My head and my mind were mixing and I don't know where to start clearing it. 𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘶𝘱. Few days past and she's been avoiding me. Like literally in any way. I tried to talk to her but she ignored me. 𝙇𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙖 𝙝𝙚𝙠𝙠 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡? 𝙄𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙪𝙧 𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙚 𝙤𝙣 𝙢𝙚?? I don't get her. And then she unfriended me and unfollowed in social media. That I thought thoroughly, and said to myself, "𝙖𝙮𝙮 𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙖𝙣𝙞 𝙣𝙖 𝙙𝙞𝙖𝙮 𝙣𝙞 𝙣𝙤𝙝..? 𝘿𝙞𝙠𝙤 𝙣𝙞𝙢𝙤 𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙙𝙤𝙣 𝙤 𝙨𝙜𝙚 𝙖𝙮𝙖𝙬 𝙗𝙖𝙝(!) 🙄🙄 𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙮 𝙧𝙖𝙟𝙙 𝙠𝙖 𝙢𝙤 𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮𝙖 𝙠𝙖 𝙣𝙖𝙝𝙤 𝙥𝙖𝙠𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙩, 𝙜 𝙪𝙣𝙛𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬 𝙠𝙤 𝙣𝙞𝙢𝙤 𝙙 𝙞 𝙪𝙣𝙛𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬 𝙥𝙙 𝙠𝙖 𝙣𝙖𝙝𝙤 𝙗𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙠(!!) 𝙇𝙞𝙚𝙠 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙤 𝙛𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙙(!!!) 𝙂 𝙝𝙖𝙩𝙖𝙜 𝙣𝙖𝙝𝙤 𝙖𝙠𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙣𝙞𝙢𝙤 𝙟𝙖 𝙠𝙖𝙙𝙪𝙜𝙖𝙮𝙖𝙣 𝙞𝙢𝙤 𝙧𝙖𝙠𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙗𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙬𝙖(!) 𝘽𝙬𝙘𝙘𝙘𝙩𝙩𝙩𝙩𝙩𝙩 𝙠𝙖 𝙠𝙖𝙖𝙮𝙤... " Okk after that was more cursing☺. There you have it I gave here the silent treatment. But that wasn't the only problem or situation I'm dealing with. 𝘔𝘺 𝘧𝘤𝘬 𝘶𝘱 𝘴𝘰-𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘍𝘈𝘔𝘐𝘓𝘠. since elem I never saw my mother looking so happy and proud of me. She never showed any expression on me. Neither do my father. I entered so many poster making contest. And my name were always on the honor list. I don't even know if they were proud of me. They're getting used seeing me excel in those fields. Sometimes they get the things I asked for and sometimes don't. I asked if they could buy me brand new cellphone but it never happened. Now I'm turning 18 this year. Using only their old ones. My teenage life weren't like others; happy bonding with their family, close to their siblings/parents, and got their favorite child. In 10tg grade or 11th, I started using bad words. Guess I got influenced by my classmates and friends. And somehow I used it in argument with my family. I couldn't hold it in any more. I got tired. Restless. Depressed. Stressed. I also been thinking of suicidal thoughts. Those weren't normal to me. I cried some nights and throws stuff. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦? I thought long enough and the reason came up to my head was 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘠𝘖𝘜. My mother treated me rudely and badly. Like I do not know her anymore. Keep saying words that shouldn't been said by a mother to her child/children. The worst thing she said was, 𝘣𝘸𝘤𝘵 𝘬𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘢/𝘣𝘢𝘫𝘦𝘩𝘢 𝘬𝘢. I don't know, there were plenty of rude words she said that only thing I could write. ... I've been thinking of 𝙨𝙪𝙞𝙘𝙞𝙙𝙖𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨. But I keep reminding myself that I can get through this. Mom said find a job. 𝘗𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘣𝘢𝘩𝘰 𝘮𝘰, at the age of 10+ I was strucked by that word. She gets angry of me because I was lazy. And I respond to my thought, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶. I used to clean the house during COVID or when they aren't home and I'm the only one left behind. It was so peaceful. There was nothing to do but clean. ... Until now I cried a lot. It's funny a 12th grade still cries... I can't hold it, everything around me made me drained. I've been thinking is escaping. Escaping this **** up home. I want to go every places I love. And be successful in life. But to do that I have to be patient. ... Thats all for now, I'm still crying btw. Hoping I will find new people or cof. 📌🖇🌱