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Dear FutureMe, Hi, how have you been Jing, how’s life treating you lately, are you taking good care of yourself? *Sigh. I miss doing the things i love, like going out, enjoying my own company and relaxing just like how i’m doing right know. I just woke up right now, but yet still confuse on how my life should be. I still hear the noises that bothers me and scares me, which I know are just nonsense noise, that I should really just disregard because me and my family are doing okay and we’re doing good. When I hear a loud thump of noise like a really loud thunder that is from the sky, I get really anxious because I would always try to say to myself what are those noises that I hear, are those real noises or just a made up noise from my wide imagination, because “hahaha” *me i often do imagine things, like i feel i have this thing they call maladaptive daydreaming where i actually became a renowned women of having a fighting spirit and would really fight for what she loves “and **** it, i really freaking love my family to the bones” i realized that’s what keeps me alive, that’s what keep me awake and looking our for them, “i think to myself” things like “hmm where are they now?” “have they eaten already?” “did they get home safe?” “are they super duper worrying about themselves again? which they know they should really not?” when i think those to myself I become calmed and collected cause *I laugh “hahaha” I really should not worry at all cause they know themselves “they know themselves, and they are good people, kind-hearted people, smart, caring, super duper caring, responsible, thoughtful, loved and i mean so much loved by the people who look out for them and wanted to see the best for them to achive”. “so the next time I try to worry to the max *I would just think to myself, just say to myself that. “Hey, your, doing just fine babe, remember how you recovered from all of this **** before yet still your here fighting from it all.” *SIGH. I also tell myself, “I don’t got to worry about my loved ones so much because automatically they care for me, and if I stop taking care of myself I would freaking go crazy and crazy and would again get confused about stuff i actually have little to no understanding about “I don’t know if i’m grammatically correct but when i’m feeling anxious and depressed and super down, I say to myself “All is Well”. I tell to myself “All is well so many times as many as the people who loves my and wanted the best for me” hehe :D *Sigh. Okay so yeah, To the future me I hope you continue doing the things you love, doing the best for yourself, and having the people you look up to your motivation to keep moving forward. tell yourself who are you doing this for. “Yeah!!! my loved ones!!!!!! My family!!!!! even though we’re not anymore complete or even though my dad or my mom? ain’t here no more?????????????????? I tell my self “Oks lang ako and I feel my heartbeat and yeah just like that I have calmed down again. My thoughts are really just sometimes so silly to the point of paranoia. So to the future me, i hope you become an even better version if yourself, because you know yourself better than anyone “and with that I meant it’s true, how I feel about myself”. Keep going Jing. I am so freaking proud of you. I love you 3000. I love you to the moon and back. Yes I do. Smiley face, smiley face. #LabanLangBes. #Yakangyakamoito. #DoitForYou #RealLove #FactsOnly #AmazingGrace #Sillythoughts #Kakalurkey #LAVAARRNCHHHBIATCH #HANGKULEEETT #YISGALINGTAINAHAHA #FAMILYISLOVE! #ALWAYSDOTHERIGHTTHING #INTEGRITY. #YOUALREADYKNOWITNONEEDTOMWNTIONHAHA #BYEAMEN. #GISINGNAULITISMEWAHAHAHA