I never told him I loved him

This letter was written the morning after I returned from Phuket. It didn't really hit me until this morning that I no longer wake up next to James. The first thing I did wasn't hug or kiss him, or smile at him, saying good morning, asking if he slept well. I didn't cry yesterday when we said goodbye, nor when reading his letter. But today I did. I miss him so badly. I miss sniffing him, I miss holding his hand, I miss his warmth, I miss his touch. I miss the way he looked at me, I miss how his eyes looked when he smiled, it's the most beautiful smile I've ever seen and it got me mesmerized every time. He's everything I wished for in a partner. I think I'm in love with him. I love how gentle he was with me, how witty he is, how he always made me laugh and how we have the same love language. There's so much more I could say. I'm so happy when we're together. I'm so in love with him. It hurts that we don't talk anymore, but I think it's for the best. He said I deserve so much love, but it's such a pity that he won't be willing to give it to me no matter what. I guess I'm not that important to him after all, and as time goes by, our love for each other will fade away. It's just all in the moment. I need to respect myself and stop throwing myself out there for someone who isn't ready to handle my love. I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish that he would change his mind, but it's best that I let my hopes die. I really wish we could be together, despite the distance. **** the distance. When this letter is sent, it will be more than 2 weeks from now and James is probably flying back to Dubai. I hope that by the time I read this, I will be able to do so with a smile on my face, rather than tears.