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Dear Future Self, It is 2:44 pm, Sunday. I just finished listening to the 2nd and 3rd episode of the "Chasing Joy" podcast and the wave of emotion that hit was much stronger than I anticipated. My chest is heavy. I can confidently say that I am sad and lonely. I feel isolated. I write this as I sit at the desk that I adored when I first bought, but now it seems to be my only safe space. There's a half eaten yogurt cup with bananas in front of me. I feel dissatisfied in my health and diet. I wish to look into a mirror and truly feel happy, without the suffocating thoughts that come from the harsh beauty standards in Japan. Or maybe those standards are just my own. In less than three months from now, it will be my first anniversary of moving to Japan. This dream of mine came to fruition. I love my job and I'm proud of the work I do there. But at the same time, life here is difficult. I need more people in my life than I thought did. I want people that I can truly be open with, be able to tell them about my loneliness and my self-destructive thoughts without feeling like I'm pulling them down with me. I feel like I'm slowly drowning in a sea that I created with my own tears. I wish to let go of my fears of being judged and be able to swim against the currents that are too powerful for my Current Self. I hope that Future Self is far far away from this sea. I hope that she sees herself as someone who moved away from home, despite the difficulties that come with the drastic changes in language, culture, social expectations, and the struggles of being a woman in her early twenties trying to discover oneself. I hope that she can look at all of her hobbies, whether she considers them stupid or embarrassing or not, and can proudly say she loves them to strangers and friends without shying away. I hope she can walk outside of her apartment and to the grocery store without feeling like a thousands eyes are staring and judging her every move. I hope a lot of things for her, that I unfortunately can't say will come true by the time this is delivered to you. I want to say that I have friends far away who support my Current Self, but I think my self-doubt and overthinking mind clouds this idea. As I questioned their love when writing the last sentence... I hope you were able to piece your broken pieces together and surround yourself with people who uplift you for who you are, not who you may be acting as. You deserve it. I've cried enough. I hope you will have someone who would give you a hug without you having to ask, because I know I need it right now. Thank you for reading. Sincerely, Current Self