no subject

Are you better or worse than when you wrote this? It’s important for me to know. Worse means you're no longer alive - that's how fragile things are in your Kingdom right now. Better means you’ve not only healed, but become a stronger version of yourself. There’s something magnetic that happens in your brain when you focus on the positives and welcome change. I'm no hypocrite. We don’t always have the mental strength to do that and so we embark on a dark journey, inflicting all the guilt, all the problems, all the unmet needs that someone, somewhere in our early lives failed to soothe with the safety and love we deserved. It’s been four hellish months. And the last one? Pure hell. A marriage falling apart, meeting the demons of my trauma and feeding them without even knowing. They grew big. I let them. Because I’m still a kid, remember? But no more - No more!! We need to become women now. We need to give ourselves what others couldn’t and maybe what your husband can’t anymore. And you need to start listening more. Talking less. Observing more. Demanding less. Otherwise even if your points are valid you might come off as lunatic. Not everything needs to be said. These meds your psychiatrist gave you, claiming you’re seeing things too two-dimensionally and need to shift into three-dimensional thinking, feel just like a wild MDMA trip. And they come with the same symptoms: I’m sweating like a pig, my pupils are dilated, my brain feels cold and bubbly and I’m trying to act normal around people so they don’t think I’m high… WHICH I’M NOT! So, moving forward, go bold. Go fully you. Go positive but with boundaries. Know your worth. Claim it. But don’t be devastated if he can’t give you what you need. Nor others! You are the owner of your choices. So choose to be happy. Not fake-happy like you’ve been, truly healed happy. This is just like that LSD trip you had at Boom. Remember that cat? That dark green-eyed cat with a wicked sense of humour who pulled you back from the cartoon kind of trip, a great one to be told? But not all was cartoon, and so he funnily put party hats on the dead-eyed people to make them less terrifying and casually set a few things on fire just for laughs, with zero damage. Be that ******* CAT.