A letter from August 1st, 2025

Dear future Lauren...
I don't even know where to start.
This has been probably the worst week of my life so far, things could be coming to an end with Jack and it all depends on things I don't even know about myself yet.
I so badly want it to work out, he is the ONE.
When I die he is the only one I trust to treat my body with kindness.
He is asking something huge of me.
I know I want to be a mum in the future and I can't imagine anyone but him being the father, but he wants it sooner than I had planned.
Not that I actually had a plan...
I need to figure out what I want and I only have 2 weeks before we speak again.
On one hand, I know that anything could happen in the next few years and I don’t want to keep him trapped in this relationship if when the time comes, I can’t give him what he wants… but on the other hand it IS something I also want for the future and there is only a 5 year gap between when we want kids so is it possible to convince him to compromise?
I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO DO!
Am I trapping myself by promising to something im not 100% sure about? Am I going to hate myself if the time comes and I want kids but I have already let Jack start over with someone else?
I can’t lose him but I also can’t lose myself.
I hate this so much.
I hope all of this works out for you.