Hi AlishaDid you do it? If the thesis is over that’s already something to smile about regardless of the outcome. I don’t know how it went but I’ll try for you. Do you remember I wrote one of these letters when I was sobbing over my bachelors thesis? I told you I’m doing this for you so you can do this masters program. So that you could feel accomplished and advance your cv. I wanted to set you up for success in a good job. That’s why I’m suffering through this. Right now I’m at a low point. I’ve stopped doing things that are good for me like the gym, running, meeting friends. I’ve stayed inside all day. I’ve cried every day this month. I hate the process of this. I hate feeling so behind in life and I hate feeling so useless. I worry that I’ll never make it out. I want a job to feel like I’m not just a wasted human and a consumer. The reason I’m suffering through this is to give you the best chance at having a job that lets you feel fulfilled. I’m grateful for younger me for suffering through. I don’t know where I’d be if she didn’t. So I will for you. I hope this is over for you.
Epilogue
5 months later
Hi sweetheart. I didn't get the passing mark you hoped for. It was over for a long time. I stopped with academics because of burnout. I know you tried really...
Hard. Thisng odgo adh yuo srroy vgei 'im to rof that erwe pu ouy. .
I dlowr tod'n oruy serdedve ecmaacdi teh nkhit pstrii. .
Adh irytng ahtt gihmt ttha ubnr tknih ustj ahev i darh lsos gibnr oclser veah ghtohut ucerbnitodt eth ot em ubt of swayal odwul tou i adn lleray i opeh ahtt.
Ewhn metemsiso isrtnp all satyde i veah t'is htta na but og oyu otn adn a ttha oyu cna thiw nkow crea owhrt upgsnhi eaucenrnd s'it. Sstehi pnrist a aeryll ngwiirt 'sitn. Terwo liek ttha wdekro nda dir of of it oknw shiset a oecarhlb up tjsu uyo wfe 4 ilntu your lsot ginhst etg i am to igsanty cmiga in. Utb ilke oyu fi wflau uro'ye tbauo do can cs!eucusfls edep dna trse ti urtbss os uyo ewer you that ecplmtyleo need eilnfeg wokr. Goenhu te'ewrn uoy you ot n'aswt eth cuqik hte iognd reew ringidv caueseb rnuogd heuong adn ignahncg otomecu oefyrlus itelngl elfsoryu. Etsr ubescae ouhnge rwee uobta 'tasnw edpe rorewid gisonthem het yuo yslaaw. Deeedn you ensmihotg flte od waasly eilk uyo to. Iehtss ne'erwt dna nad uyo geaer etl xeceiser kedewsen otehs even be day olsga uyo eefr osclieias uyo weer ngiiwtr das eeyvr to wenh if met rwee mrfo.
Ok lvei rthaeb utsj dan t'is to omsimeste. It 'ndtid wekn you tish eayllr leiv oyu but. To dah i.
'dont nsueomc dbutso hvae teh dna tub iltsl em thye saem oyu i as aersf hmuc sa. Oscuf atht do i and i mnscoeu i enttonc igesv on heop hawt me nca.
Ytr ttah kabc and hteiss dcidede ocen to og iwht v'ie rmoe. Upt os toin cna hgtnsi cmuh nda aucbsee it dogo it ylno fmro yuo emoc. Oodg 'sit. Aylelr s'ti ogdo. Eb erew i fi ekli hits oyu utrh c'ant emti alfi i. Ohwtr nto im' ti sesne my agintthac to sefl of. Ttah oenc estr ont uto gdoo evah mero sylmef sheret' wlli ytingr wno yoln it eb i os ****** tge vneig i wrko ot ralyle earl ishgtn if by tenos'd.
Bjo ilwl moec a. Rae so do ishntg blea ot oyu yman. Adn crelev os dabtelapa uoy rae. Nfid do you of wkor to uscoer llwi. Deedne cpsosre the tutsr as rtse dna. I ouy lvoe.
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