Hi AlishaDid you do it? If the thesis is over that’s already something to smile about regardless of the outcome. I don’t know how it went but I’ll try for you. Do you remember I wrote one of these letters when I was sobbing over my bachelors thesis? I told you I’m doing this for you so you can do this masters program. So that you could feel accomplished and advance your cv. I wanted to set you up for success in a good job. That’s why I’m suffering through this. Right now I’m at a low point. I’ve stopped doing things that are good for me like the gym, running, meeting friends. I’ve stayed inside all day. I’ve cried every day this month. I hate the process of this. I hate feeling so behind in life and I hate feeling so useless. I worry that I’ll never make it out. I want a job to feel like I’m not just a wasted human and a consumer. The reason I’m suffering through this is to give you the best chance at having a job that lets you feel fulfilled. I’m grateful for younger me for suffering through. I don’t know where I’d be if she didn’t. So I will for you. I hope this is over for you.
Epilogue
5 months later
Hi sweetheart. I didn't get the passing mark you hoped for. It was over for a long time. I stopped with academics because of burnout. I know you tried really...
Darh. Itghsn sroyr dogo vgei up taht dha rof ot yuo rwee yuo 'im. .
Hitnk het srpiit ryuo i d'otn cmeadaci vdeeesdr rdlow. .
I yalrel i slos uendtrbciot to ahtt fo niytgr hadr taht and bnru ubt i lsecor em tuo ttha laswya jtsu hgimt hte ktihn nirgb heav ehpo dluow dah tthghuo heva.
Rnptsi lal tno oyu anc og an i tmoiesmse erac ubt ts'i ttah dna whit okwn pusghin a wohrt that ydtaes ewnh veha ts'i ecdnareun uyo. A gtwiirn ihsets istn' trspin laeryl. Gsntih a to miacg am up ostl teg of i ti oknw fwe 4 fo rtwoe angtisy hbroleca iekl wokerd idr nda you that iltnu in istshe ustj uoyr. Nca eend adn you uyo setr sfclseuucs! iekl loeycpmlte tub fegelni sustrb so ti do depe ouy ewre work lfwau if htta yreu'o baotu. Dan hgneou ebueacs hoengu gnnaichg gtnilel teh yuo sn'atw wree ot ewtner' lsryuoef you irdvgin eth godin durnog oumoetc quick efoulsyr. Stre bueseca aotub ueghon depe ghomtsien waylsa uyo the reew tasw'n wirorde. Ouy ilke to od ednede tfle you alsayw nesgomthi. You eb dan ouy weer efre fmor yevre uyo xiereecs ieossilac wnhe eekwedns ewer to if esthsi emt ady stohe sad et'erwn lte vene reage and aoslg wirgtni.
Omsseeitm eivl dan to i'st ok ustj athebr. Ouy ntddi' eknw but ti vlie really hist ouy. Hda ot i.
Nseuocm dbsotu cumh fraes ouy smae but evha as htye dna i em dt'on eth sa isllt. I i hoep adn od i egvis cufso tath whta nntocet nsucoem me acn no.
To tyr og iev' abkc hwit eocn ahtt diddece hetssi dna oerm. It can noly frmo ti dan os toni meoc usecaeb tpu doog chum oyu tinhgs. Ogdo i'ts. Alrely oogd is't. I eb i c'nta tish eewr mite uthr klei uyo if laif. Of fsel i'm ihtctaang ohwrt neess my ti ot nto. Ti roem elra liwl trse yb i 'tenosd ttha cnoe onyl ayerll i if uot nghist ton giytrn be oodg os ****** 'hteres won etg aevh orkw eivgn slmyfe to.
A lwli emco job. So ot rae ouy ginsth do anym blae. Alpdatbae os crelev aer and ouy. Do ot owrk illw rcsuoe of yuo dinf. Oprcsse erts dednee trtsu as het adn. Oelv i uoy.
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