Hi AlishaDid you do it? If the thesis is over that’s already something to smile about regardless of the outcome. I don’t know how it went but I’ll try for you. Do you remember I wrote one of these letters when I was sobbing over my bachelors thesis? I told you I’m doing this for you so you can do this masters program. So that you could feel accomplished and advance your cv. I wanted to set you up for success in a good job. That’s why I’m suffering through this. Right now I’m at a low point. I’ve stopped doing things that are good for me like the gym, running, meeting friends. I’ve stayed inside all day. I’ve cried every day this month. I hate the process of this. I hate feeling so behind in life and I hate feeling so useless. I worry that I’ll never make it out. I want a job to feel like I’m not just a wasted human and a consumer. The reason I’m suffering through this is to give you the best chance at having a job that lets you feel fulfilled. I’m grateful for younger me for suffering through. I don’t know where I’d be if she didn’t. So I will for you. I hope this is over for you.
Epilogue
5 months later
Hi sweetheart. I didn't get the passing mark you hoped for. It was over for a long time. I stopped with academics because of burnout. I know you tried really...
Radh. Rroys adh ofr igev up to m'i uyo ttha dogo uyo tsgihn wree. .
Hkitn ouyr i reevdsde orwld 'dnot hte eicmadac itpisr. .
Rylale uwdlo uot eavh veha atth utb htnik i slorce dna ahd ntigry i tjus nrigb fo atth em to i opeh ihmtg conburiettd eth tath olss nbur oguhtth lasayw hadr.
Lla atht prtsin oyu okwn ehav adn necrdeanu wnhe uoy og nuhigsp htat not i si't othrw a na aerc tub eitmsosme tadyes sit' cna ihwt. Arllye shetis srntpi a s'tni giwrnit. 4 tsju oyu wfe of kiel shesit ruoy sihgnt ot oekrwd olts ttah pu iutnl ceoalhbr gacmi a onkw otwer ti dna am rdi fo ngtyisa in gte i. Stbrsu ttha edpe you ouy cna do were you orkw utb nad roeuy' ti !scleuucssf os ndee if ulawf niflege srte eilk pmeyeoltcl oabut. Hte beaecus dna euhogn an'tsw ivndigr oyu oyu umooect ordngu olrufesy teh cganhgni nr'wtee uofrseyl lgtenil eerw gnido kuicq to uengho. Eped tbaou tres rewe eth abesceu ogsemnhit woidrre you guehno swatn' alywsa. To ouy sgmnietoh ilek eflt ysalwa ouy dndeee do. Rofm hewn uyo geare be eerw you slago rnet'we seicexre ayd thesis reef teosh eewr sknweede ouy rgitnwi met sda fi adn to nad etl rvyee iislaecos eenv.
Elvi ko ot ssmetemoi sit' adn tsuj etrahb. Oyu utb eivl indtd' ti hsit uoy newk raelly. I dha to.
As no'dt em haev chmu btu rsaef as bdosut yuo yhte adn i itlls eth mcunsoe mesa. Ectnton i htwa no smcnuoe i anc taht adn heop i em od sgeiv ufocs.
Htta rmoe nad bkac oenc shesit iev' dedeidc og to tyr iwth. Os ti ceom nac cumh tpu ausbece ouy gdoo ti tshgni mfor nlyo adn otni. Gdoo t'is. Gdoo lyearl t'is. Sith ruht cnt'a be yuo i fi were i time ilke alfi. Ym eesns fo wtroh itaahntcg lsef ti m'i ot nto. Lleayr kwor by to elysmf be i rmoe teg nthgis htat 'ethrse aler girynt otu wlil ehva ngeiv it so cneo if i oodg yoln s'oedtn nto ****** nwo stre.
Lilw jbo a ocem. Od os labe era anym ouy inhsgt to. Adn rae lrevec so uyo patbelada. Do ouy usorec okwr of dnif ot lwil. Neeedd dna hte eoprssc setr sa rsutt. Loev uyo i.
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