Hi AlishaDid you do it? If the thesis is over that’s already something to smile about regardless of the outcome. I don’t know how it went but I’ll try for you. Do you remember I wrote one of these letters when I was sobbing over my bachelors thesis? I told you I’m doing this for you so you can do this masters program. So that you could feel accomplished and advance your cv. I wanted to set you up for success in a good job. That’s why I’m suffering through this. Right now I’m at a low point. I’ve stopped doing things that are good for me like the gym, running, meeting friends. I’ve stayed inside all day. I’ve cried every day this month. I hate the process of this. I hate feeling so behind in life and I hate feeling so useless. I worry that I’ll never make it out. I want a job to feel like I’m not just a wasted human and a consumer. The reason I’m suffering through this is to give you the best chance at having a job that lets you feel fulfilled. I’m grateful for younger me for suffering through. I don’t know where I’d be if she didn’t. So I will for you. I hope this is over for you.
Epilogue
5 months later
Hi sweetheart. I didn't get the passing mark you hoped for. It was over for a long time. I stopped with academics because of burnout. I know you tried really...
Rdha. Uyo uoy ogdo stinhg ysror dah to atht up im' gvie for wree. .
Ikthn i uyro sdrvdeee tispir acmdeaic d'ont rodwl the. .
Em brnu rignb ahtt had htat riyngt ossl peoh rdha awaysl loudw edutcoitrnb ubt ohtugth i i that imtgh orecsl adn heva kthni lrealy i tuo sutj hvea fo the to.
Ouy all ohrtw tub irsptn ommeiesst ehwn sti' evah taht nca i nihpsgu nda tdseya og a taht not crae an 'sit enernucad nokw ihtw oyu. A nrpsti 'itns hsties tgniriw erally. Lbohearc owter ird magci nda you hstsie kwon in ot wkeord agystni a uroy atth of get tlso hinstg elki nuitl 4 am i ewf stju it up fo. Ubt ilgnfee cssluusef!c wree it utssrb yecpmlleto ttah rset o'eryu klie oyu utaob ouy wokr you pede do ende can adn so fi uflwa. Uyo ogidn fuylreos dourgn teh ctuomeo to t'asnw vignrdi reew uneogh adn iaghngcn gnoheu flesroyu hte wene'tr lligetn cebsuae kicuq you. Dewrrio oyu uabot ugnhoe csbueea erwe the sert sna'tw deep meongtihs asyawl. Ftle uoy ouy meinhsgot do ot layaws eeeddn klie. Yreev edwnksee mte mofr lagos iaiscoles elt trn'ewe and nhwe graee itrwgin dsa teishs be uoy rewe uyo nad seoth oyu to eerw evne eesrcexi free ayd fi.
'sit liev bhtera ko tujs nad ot sismmeoet. Nekw uyo 'dnidt erlyla iths it ouy tub viel. Hda ot i.
Teyh tub ecsnomu tlsil sa em aesm yuo rafse het i have 'tndo bdotus sa adn hucm. Otenctn and vgise ahtw mucsneo i do atth anc sfuco i peho on me i.
Oemr go i'ev ryt htiw ot htessi htat iedcded cnoe and akbc. Os can istgnh ylon it eomc put becesau ti otin dan oodg cmuh mrof uoy. Doog 'tis. Lalrye si't doog. Fail tiem i kile urth fi a'cnt you eb hsit wree i. 'mi my fo elfs ot it eenss nthaicatg wohrt nto. Htat dogo enco rlae wno 'ehstre os omer eahv eb efsylm fi i rets ti ylrela ygitrn i vinge ****** ont will teg to nylo 'oedtsn yb out gsnthi rwok.
Lilw mceo a bjo. Ot lbae so ouy do nmay ghnsti aer. You era ledapatba recelv os dan. Ilwl idnf sueorc do krwo of ot yuo. Cssoerp and urtst het estr dneede as. I evlo ouy.
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