Hi AlishaDid you do it? If the thesis is over that’s already something to smile about regardless of the outcome. I don’t know how it went but I’ll try for you. Do you remember I wrote one of these letters when I was sobbing over my bachelors thesis? I told you I’m doing this for you so you can do this masters program. So that you could feel accomplished and advance your cv. I wanted to set you up for success in a good job. That’s why I’m suffering through this. Right now I’m at a low point. I’ve stopped doing things that are good for me like the gym, running, meeting friends. I’ve stayed inside all day. I’ve cried every day this month. I hate the process of this. I hate feeling so behind in life and I hate feeling so useless. I worry that I’ll never make it out. I want a job to feel like I’m not just a wasted human and a consumer. The reason I’m suffering through this is to give you the best chance at having a job that lets you feel fulfilled. I’m grateful for younger me for suffering through. I don’t know where I’d be if she didn’t. So I will for you. I hope this is over for you.
Epilogue
5 months later
Hi sweetheart. I didn't get the passing mark you hoped for. It was over for a long time. I stopped with academics because of burnout. I know you tried really...
Ahdr. Up ot dha yuo veig orsyr ewre ngisth odgo you 'mi for htat. .
T'odn oury tnihk cmiaedac hte i dsrveede piitrs drwlo. .
Had sjtu atth dan avhe uot uhtohgt i phoe taht eth i but heva runb to gmhit radh olss dtneotircub i nirytg lcoers lowud ysaawl of ylrael me ahtt rgbin ihtnk.
Hwen atth hpgisnu i og anc s'it all tno hatt strnpi ubt dan wonk somitesme ahev yeatsd an ecra hwit a twroh ednecaurn s'it ouy yuo. Pinrst 'nsit iinwrgt sehtsi a rallye. Nwok i up utiln taht issthe tihsng ralbhcoe of ngsyiat sjut you ltso ti nda rdi wordek owrte imcga 4 in fo leki a wfe ma gte ruyo to. Rewe tbu pmeycletol klie ouy htta eeflgni it do tres uyo uyo os nca uobat bsurts yu'eor ende wokr peed adn fwual fi lscfus!esuc. Ulyorsef ugnord nhueog and hte ignod uyo kciuq nehogu hte vriindg cabesue wteern' ot nlitelg at'wsn ouy erew rlseoufy nggcihna utocemo. You awn'ts erew teh batou lawsay csbauee eepd ters mentsoghi hougne rieodwr. Gsomnihet uoy uyo ikle sawlay to od edneed ltef. Exisceer nda nigiwrt sad ofrm yveer oyu rew'tne uoy dan etm nhew weer dya oehts fi rwee egare lgosa ehtssi evne tle eb ot refe edesnekw uoy alssociie.
And msmteosei evil to rtehba ok sjut it's. It ilve utb knwe tihs arlely yuo t'ndid ouy. I dha to.
Teh vhae usenomc yhte dna sa uoy n'otd i cmhu em tlsil smae tub sa rsefa busdot. On nad me anc socfu atth thwa cusoemn hpoe i i do nttceno svgei i.
And eishst rmoe that to hwti go bakc once ev'i ytr edcddie. Ecsubae put nyol higsnt romf dgoo mhuc dan ouy omce os ti it nac iont. Sit' doog. Godo llraey i'ts. Ekil i thsi yuo urth weer ifal imte i if eb 'ntac. Not nesse i'm my fels to hrtwo ti icngaahtt fo. Ton by good fi esrt ocen htta lrea ti i to won hsngti os oemr mfleys ****** venig lnyo ayrell eb rtsh'ee tnedos' will get uot rowk i heav gyrtni.
Obj a wlli moec. So do oyu many ot aer elba nhigts. And rae os apedaablt uyo eervlc. Uoy korw od ifdn rsueco fo wlli to. Eht eednde cssopre nda sa rtse rsutt. Elov i uyo.
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