A letter from Jul 19, 2025

Dear FutureMe, On my 36th, I took the Monday off, sat down on my own, had 15mg (all weed thats left) and put the phone away. dota wasnt fun, tv was boring and music was too old. I stared at the pool and beyond and thought to myself whats wrong. I first came up with the questions: "how do i work this out? where do i go from here? and what CAN I do?" After 2 hours, I came to a conclusion, maybe the best I have got to so far. It may be too clear for other conditions, on many other days but hasnt been for the past year. I told myself, live the small things and enjoy them. every cleaning around the house, every dish I wash, every physical pain i go through, every second that I am sober, similar to every second that I am high, every single rep I do in the gym, every bite that I take, and every other tiresome thing that I try to finish just to get to the next task, ENJOY and LIVE all of it. because thats it. This IS life. enjoy and cherish. There is no better thing to do next; to finish early to start early. The person you were going to after, or the game that you wanted to start after, or the event you looked forward to, is not worth the stress and pressure I put on myself. LIVE the present. So you wont have to focus on the past, nor the future. Indulge the moment and focus on "what now" vs "whats next". The next will come anyhow, and there is no point in carrying the past. Enough with all the lessons to be learned from the failures. I spent enough time and I cant and should not invest any more. The present moment, was the best present I got myself for my birthday. And I am going to gift it to myself for every year to come. hey buddy, Read this every year and remember the joy that you suddenly discovered in the midst of all chaos going around you. be present. be alive. live.