A letter from Jul 18, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Hey, it's been a while. I know I usually send these during the New Year, but I'm feeling really lost, and I'm not sure what to do. Its currently the summer, July, between my sophomore and junior year of undergrad. I'm retaking a chemistry class that I failed last semester so that I can get into Organic Chemistry. My current plan, is to try and graduate with a degree in health and human physiology, and attempt to make it into medical school to become a doctor. I just, I'm not sure it is what I want anymore. I failed a regular chemistry course, I struggle more in STEM classes than my peers, I worry that I am just not good enough to go into medicine, and that I am wasting everyone's time and money in the attempt. A part of me wants to switch to a degree in art, but I feel like its too late, I am already through 2 years in college and I have told everyone about my plans to work in medicine. I am passionate about medicine, I love helping people, I love learning about the human body, I like to bring people relief in times of need, but I worry that I am not the right person for the field. Especially because I live in the U.S., pursuing a path in medicine will be extremely challenging, and I already struggle with my mental health during a typical college semester, how do I expect to handle medical school? I just feel so stupid, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. How can I pivot now after I have put so much into this dream? My family has supported my the whole way, how can I disappoint them like this? I am painfully average at most things, talent less, I enjoy making art but I am no Michelangelo, and in the world we live in there is no money to be made in art even if you are a savant. What should I do? Should I continue down this path, or find a new dream? Am I failing myself by switching again? What will my family think? How am I supposed to know what I want to do with the rest of my life when I have never tried it? I just want a stable life, I want to be happy, to have a home with my partner and support my parents as they age, as they have supported me. I want to stop relying on them so much, so that they can focus on retirement. I don't think art can give me that life style, but I'm not sure medicine will either. If I do pivot, do I just have to give up on medicine entirely? That doesn't feel right either. I wish I could take a peek into the future, just to know where things are headed. I don't care if I have to work constantly for the future I want, I just want to know that the work I put in is useful. I want to help people, I want to do something meaningful on this planet before my little life fades away like a grain of sand in the dunes. I hope you have this figured out. Maybe you are doing something completely different, or maybe we are exactly the same. Maybe a year will be enough to figure things out, maybe it won't be. My time is fleeting, I can feel it slipping through my fingers. Please, lend my some of your wisdom, I desperately need it. I wish you all the best, try to keep your head up.