A letter from July 17, 2025

Dear FutureMe,
I'm hurting. I miss the past and a future I'll never know. I found this letter I wrote almost 3 years ago:

I'm sitting in the car in my driveway. I just ran out to shoppers in the pouring rain. Maybe I can blame it on the rain. When the weather’s like this, it’s almost as if the world is crying with me. Maybe it’s because I’m listening to our playlist that’s not really ours anymore because theres no us. Maybe it’s just because I miss you. I miss talking to you. I wish I was in the car with you right now, waiting out the rain. As much as I liked the idea of going places with you, I really really liked sitting in the car and talking to you. I keep thinking about calling someone because I could really use some company right now. But the only person I want to talk to right now is you. The only person who can comfort me right now while I’m missing you, is you. I know I shouldn’t have, but I have your number memorized. I know I can’t use it, but I had to have some way to reach you. God, this hurts so bad. I thought I’d be fine by now but I’m not. I want to see you so **** badly. I want to stop wanting to see you because I know there’s nothing I can even say to you anymore. I want to know how you are, if you’re hurting like this. I hope not but I also hope you’re not over me yet. It stopped raining so I should stop too. 
One last song. I think this is one of our shared favourites. U and Us. I’ve listened to it a few times since Saturday night and every time I cry. It hurts. It shouldn’t hurt this much. It was a week, remember? 
It’s the line from U and Us - “I don’t wanna put what we had on the shelf”You used those words, putting what we have on the shelf. That’s what we’re doing. I don’t want to. 


I'm sitting in the same car, in the same driveway, on a different summer night. You've been married a year now and, last I heard, expecting. Congratulations! 
There have been others since you, but I still think about you from time to time. 
I went on a drive tonight. I ended up on a street with a familiar sounding name. It took a second, but then it all came rushing back. Do you remember that night? When we were parked on Ridelle and you had lost a bet and had to do pushups on the street while I sat there in the car with a smile cracking my face wide open. I was so happy that night. Remember that woman? the one who owned  the house we parked in front of? The bottle of champagne she gave us because she wanted us to celebrate our love? It was too early for that word, but I could already see a future with you. We said we'd keep the bottle for a special occasion and I know we were both thinking of the same one. 
I am breaking all over and carrying this pain alone. I genuinely wish you the best, but sometimes I wonder if you would have done things differently if you could have.