A letter from Jul 15, 2025

Dear FutureMe, happy birthday finally 24! hope i hope by now the panic attacks have slowed down or even stopped! i know its ruined your life and changed you for the worst but i hope by the time you read this the therapy people have answered you and helped you somehow even though i know and you know the only people/person who can make you better is you! this all stared in april over some silly little tables and to the future me i am so sorry i started taking them and then stopped without asking questions first because i thought i knew what was good for me when i clearly didnt otherwise we wouldnt be in this state right now or maybe your no longer in a state hopefully you made it to your cardiology appointment because at the point of writting thisim not sure wether ill make it there or not im still in a state of withdrawls and if im honest with us im not sure how much longer i can take this so if you are reading this on your birthday then i am sooooo proud of you for fighting because as of now i want to give up so bad and i know your stronger than that and if you are reading this and your still in the same state that im in right now then please keep fighting youve done so well hopefull our family have finally started reaching out because they aint much help rightnow and havent been since all of this started and i fell like ive not got a support circle right now. and as of now your life is a lie... your really pretending to be happy when really your ready to hit the nail on the head youve been inn that flat constantly staring at them 4 walls recently though youve been getting up to the school and nursery and you can breathe so something must be getting better as im writing this im trying to hold back tears because although its not a lot your doing so muchh better and when you read this again hopefully your living your free life again going out having fun like normal. i just wish people took me into concideration into how i feel i dunno if your still with mark by now or if youve finally had enough of it all he dont get how i feel even now he dont really care about how i feel or how my anxiety effects me like today the kids went to there dads and hes been asleep alll day literally im writing this at 4.30 he woke up a hour ago i went to the shop boought him snacks and a drink and now wants to **** off to meet hes friends and leave me on my own like hes done all day simce hes been asleep it just dont make sense and if im honest i sick of him now so i dont know how your coping if you are still with him! anyways im gonna start putting this to a end because its becoming too much but even when no one is chring you on youve always got you and you are your biggest fan and i am so proud of you for getting where you are today. now ive gotta tart preparing for ajs birthday tomorow... soo fun i love you.