A letter from Jul 09, 2025

Dear FutureMe, How are you doing? Right now, I’m @ Urung Island it’s 4:27PM, and I read a passage from The Mountain is You. Here is what it said: To fully release those feelings once you are aware of them, try writing yourself a letter. Write something to your younger self or from the perspective of your future self. Write down a mantra or a manifesto. Remind yourself that you love yourself too much to settle for less, or that it is okay to be angry in unfair or frustrating circumstances. Give yourself space to experience the depth of your emotions so that they do not control your behaviors. So here I am doing it. I just came from the cemetery. Here’s a pic I took: see picture. I had an epiphany the other day. Kids. Because of kids I couldn’t have the childhood of my dreams anymore. My name wasn’t on the birthday cake on my 13th Birthday. It was promised it would be there but later on I was told it wouldn’t be there. I remember brushing it off like it was nothing but I felt so hurt tho. Because of kids my mom guilt trip me to babysit the kids themselves, while the parents are out there making a living. Now the parents of the kids that i keep mentioning are having marital problems. The wife and kids say “his out working.” Who the heck works on the weekends. His not a hotshot Director anymore. During my divorce process everyone keep on saying: “at least you don’t have kids, so things are an easier for you.” To me that comment alone negates my divorce experience. Like saying that because of kids doesn’t hurt less. I am hurting! I am trying to pretend that it isn’t hurting but I think that hurts me still. I’m getting sleepy and still a bit horny. But I do want kids. But I feel so much anger and resentment toward kids. Now those kids have grown up. Now we have to deal with S kids. She’s my sister and all but she’s isn’t how she was before. She’s acting like everyone around me. And I don’t like those people. It’s nice to know and finally acknowledge how I feel about kids. It’s hard to admit it but I am glad it came out. Kindly, E