A letter from Jul 08, 2025

Dear Arian, Today marks my last three days before I leave for my Army officer training. To be honest, I’m really struggling with everything that’s been happening lately. Si Mama na-diagnose with cancer. Br*ast Cancer to be exact  We found out it on febuary 25. I've been the one accompanying her to the doctor for check-ups to see if suitable ba or safe operahan si mama at diko na din maabutan pag ooperahan na si mama pero i know mama can survive it.Di rin maasahan asawa ni mama kaya ako lang nagasikaso lahat pati papeles nya for hospital nangyari to 4 months nadin as of today im writing this, and it hurts me so much that I’ll have to leave her in that condition. But I have to, because i heard that once you get in the training campus all of the expenses for your family are free even nagtetraining palang so its a much needed painful decision for me para gawin to And then. what happened between us came next. To be honest, during the whole time I was processing my papers for 2nd Army application, I kept thinking of you. Even during my second exam for the Army, nagkasagutan tayo the night before that. And that day, while I was already at the exam venue, I honestly felt like I was going to fail. I didn’t get any sleep, my emotions were all over the place, and I kept thinking maybe this wasn’t meant for me. But guess what the exam coordinator still called my name. And even in that moment, even when things between us were falling apart, kahit tangina, uuwi na ‘ko dapat nun eh, I still saw you as my inspiration. I’m sorry, Arian, if I wasn’t able to be there for you when you were going through your own problems. And I hope you know that if ever you had chosen to open up to me during that time, I wouldn’t have seen you as a burden. Talagang frustrated ako nun, sa unang exam ko ‘di ako nakapasa, at binubuhos ko sayo without knowing kailangan mo din ako. Sorry if I made you feel like you were alone. I didn’t mean to. Maybe this time, naabot ko na ‘yung goal becoming an Army officer. I wanted to do it for us, if ever it was still going to be us. But maybe it just wasn’t, really. Life sucks nga, ika nga nila. Right now, I’ve stopped drinking. I’ve been trying to get stronger physically. I do push ups and sit ups when I get frustrated. I don’t hurt myself anymore. I know why you’ve been acting the way you are lately. I know you. This life you’re in it’s not the path you wanted, or at least expected. But you’ve had to embrace it. That’s just how it is sometimes, right? Life pulls us in directions we never planned, and all we can do is try to survive and be happy. Maybe the one you’ve met by now gives you the things you really need. But if not, I hope he never hurts you the way I did. I hope he never does the things I did wrong—or lacked—that you needed. I hope he motivates you too. Because I still believe you can do all those things you used to tell me about. I hope you’re still chasing those dreams. Maybe by the time you read this, you’re already happy. And I know you deserve that. Yeah… it still hurts me. A lot. But I know someday, I’ll move forward too. Baka ngayon siguro okay na ‘ko. It’s not true that I never shared my problems with you. I did. It’s just that whenever na makikita kita, makakwentuhan, mapapatawa it fades on its own. Mamimiss kita, sobra. I’ll miss your yakap. The tiny little hairs on your toes. Your shallow, quick laughter. And most of all—whenever you told me, “Wag mo ‘kong iiwanan ha?” If ever everything that happened between us had to happen… I just hope it leads us both to the happiness we were trying to find. Thank you for being the reason I aimed higher utang na loob ko sayo ‘yon. And for accepting a kind of love from me that, even if it was imperfect, I never once regretted giving. Also Happy birthday! Sincerely yours (maybe by dis tym) 2nd LT Mark Will D. Cafe