A letter from Jul 07, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Hey dude, still alive haha? It's been hard recently, seeing the point in living. The constant pain, the loneliness, heartaches, and the god**** job search been draining every bit of my life force. Still, I think I want to hang around a lil bit more, idk (just cba to **** myself lmao?), I really need a therapist lol. A few days back, I imagined how I would go if I had to. And man did I come up with a wonderful plan. I would take all the money in my account rn and go on a trip to Uttarakhand (Nainital/Mussoorie specifically ig?), fulfill that childhood dream of going back to the places which I have the best childhood memories from. Hike up to the viewpoint from where you can see the entire Naini lake. Sit on a bench( if its there) and call a random number ( totally assumed someone nice picked up lmao, but knowing my luck, it wouldn't be the case), talk to them for a while, and then end it with a poison or sth idk. I want a peaceful ***** ig, had too much of chaos and pain already. But after thinking of this elaborate plan, I realized, there's much I want to see and do. I swear my plan would ideally be to die under the Aurora Borealis but am broke lmao, so ig I will have to hold off on the plans until I can afford this plan. Anyway, so today I went out for a walk after dinner, and to my absolute delight, the garden was empty (thank the rain and lack of maintenance lmaooo). I started vibing to the music playing in my headphones which soon turned into skipping and then full on dance walking ( or whatever that is called lol). It felt so ******* good. I swear to god, I haven't felt this alive in a while. It was wonderful. I wanted to just stop time, and stay in that moment forever. I guess life will be better someday and this is just one of the hard chapters. Atleast until my next depressive episode ig lmao. I hope.. Anyway, If you are reading this, it means I made it, and that means u can too. Hang in there *****, u got this. <3 Toodles ~