A letter from Jul 06, 2025

Dear FutureMe, I forgot abt this website and all the letters i sent before but once i remember i read each one I had sent and October 2023 samik told me to continue the tradition so i can't let him down . The last letter was from October 2023 which for me now is soooo far back like it's insane so now I'll give a summary of time from oct 2023 to july 2025, i remember during December 2023 having a crush on trisha and trying to talk to her anyway i can , it's very wierd like i think she liked me first then i liked her then i fumbled then almost a year later i liked her again but it was too late , i dont even know if i wanted to date her but i liked having a crush on someone just becus it was exciting. During October of 2023 I was in 10th std worrying i would not get good marks in board and i would not get above 80% but the studies was all worth it cus I got 86% . I didn't get into NM college, I never wanted to go there but seeing all my other friends go made me sad that i didn't study more , but as far as I can remember I did try hard i didn't go to any classes so everything was very confusing, who to believe , which format to write in i was lost . Did i study till my eyes bled ? No but i did try hard especially during the end but I'm still happy with 86% and I got NL/BSGD college at first I was scared that i would be alone in the college but thankfully nisarg and vansh are also in NL thank God . During boards I was so stressed day before history exams I stayed awake the whole night studying and for a few minutes I sat on the sofa to study to get comfortable but i accidentally slept and when I make up 30 mins later I was almost crying cus i was already scared before they i would not be able to complete the portion and now toh I wanted to give up on the exam , nothing went wrong in the exams the results I got were 97 in maths, 87 in social science, 91 in science, 85 in english ,70 in marathi , 68 in hindi. Now after 10th i haven't met shiva sir since probably may-june 2024 when I got my results and it's sad that we don't meet anymore becus without him I would be failing maths . The vacation after 10th was nothing special ,it was pretty average tbh In first I took hindi and maths , but then during admission nisarga was convincing me to take french becus he had also taken french so i was going again with mumma to college but halfway there i changed my mind and decided not to change , then at home papa convinced me that maths would be hard and is not worth it and I agreed and told him to change the subjects, but then i cried and told him to change the subject back from sp to maths again . I was too comfused to decide and didn't know what to do but looking back it was the right thing to do and I took admission in leles . 11th when I first joined hindi the class was in bad condition and the people there were not great , i didn't want to make friends there or maybe I couldn't , I felt alone so i tried to convince my parents to switch me to french but the fees to change to french + classes for french would be the same as IY fees in college which doesn't require classes(i thought it didn't) so I just took IT which ik it's too expensive I wish I didn't have to pay that much becus I know we should save that moneu what ik in SYJC so by now both years IT fees of 31,500 each year is alr paid . The college is fun becus nisarg and vansh are there in 11th we used to go to nisarg building a frequently to play football or cricket maybe we'll go in 12th after rain stops. Leles in 11th was very boring i had joined the classes late so i had no one to talk to except shlok and I felt very bored in the classes but in 12th i started talking to everyone more and became good friends with a lot of them. The topics we talk abt are a bit disgusting tbh but it's fun to laugh abt it .I hope i remain atleast somewhat Friends with them after 12th we'll see ig. The friend group of me shlok heet aayush rudra and anishva is no more . We distanced ourselves from rudra after 10th std camp becus we thought he was a bad influence and shlok also around that time we stopped talking to. But then me aayush heet anishva and devarth became good friends and made a WhatsApp group "pandavas" and i really liked them all . But now anishva is not anymore on the group " read chats of "fire 4" on WhatsApp. It's sad that I don't talk to anishva anymore , the reason we stopped talking to him is what I dont get like he was hanging out with ashay and Maunil that's why he drank vape once or twice and he did act moody sometimes but idk , i think that day (28/9/24)heet acted harshly and removed him from the group,anishva wa being unreasonable but i don't think it was enough reason to just remove him from our friends group and Pandavas grp . Makes me feel like everytime I dislike anything abt my friend I leave them , dhanay ,shlok , rudra , anishva who knows who'll be next , maybe I'll be the one leaving the friend grp. Theres so much I want to say , predictions I wanna make but I'm scared I'll underachieve , u can see my past futureme has like progress of height and weight so I'll continue the tradition and put my height and weight current (idk my weight so I'm guessing) Height Nov 2k21 : 147cm kg October 2k22 : 153 cm 38 kg March 2k23 : 158 cm , 40kg October 2k23 : 163 cm , 44 kg July 2k25 : 174cm 52 kg It's crazy that I was scared that i would be 5"5 or 5"6 and be short , being 5"8-5"9 i still feel short in college but I'm still grateful that i have atleast reached this height, hopefully I grow a bit more , would be great if i reached 6"0 but it's ok even if I don't 5"9 is more than 2022 samik hoped for . Also reading past futureme i talked abt having a crush on tanvi nabar which is crazy cus i only had a crush on her for like 3 days max and I still felt I needed to put that in my futureme letter,crazy. Now it's 2025 I feel suprised our friend grp is still in contact, but ig since the college are so similar it makes sense . Being in 12th i feel so nostalgic towards 10th and 8th STD cus those years were so much fun and i made so many memories. But we have to move on , maybe I will look back at 12th the same way ? Probably not cus i hate travelling in bus and i only know nisarg and vansh there good enough. And it's not nearly as fun as school was. I started seriously working out at home since 3rd July , it's been 4 days of consistent training, who knows if I'll even make it to 20 days . To be really honest I'm really insecure abt myself especially abt my skin colour and my skinny body and hair , skinny body I can change , but I will never be able to change my skin colour and will have to live with it , i dont dislike my skin colour but ik how much racism is prevalent in India and how it affects me , I see dark skin Indian on Instagram and how comments make them feel bad about their skin colour but reading those comments I feel bad abt myself too . But am i part of the problem? I think to myself would i date a girl with a really dark complexion? Idk I'm scared that even though she will be pretty in everyone else's eyes she will not be as pretty due to the racist perspective and i think that makes me a hypocrite cus i want people to love me regardless of my skin colour but i myself support the idea that fair = pretty. But it's the media that's made me this way and i hope i can change . I don't know if I'll ever learn to love my skin but seeing indians on Instagram being racist makes me feel like it's doesn't even matter if i love my skin becus even I do no one else will and i ik it's stupid becus there must atleast be 1 person who'll like me but i imagine what would it be like if i was fairer , life would be so much easier, whenever I'm making jokes on someone or arguing i always know that my skin colour can be weaponized at me I have to already prepare a response beforehand and it's all just makes me feel unwanted, hopefully future me reading this is mature enough to overcome this insecurity but idk man i still wish I was fairer . And i also am insecure abt my hair , it's all straight and and falls down it's really hard to do anything with it cus it's all going to look like rock Lee hair in 5 mins anyways so what's the point, i hate short haircuts so i just keep it long but that just looks really unkept idk what to do maybe I'll have to figured out by the time ik reading this in the future or maybe I'll just get a perm , who knows . But the combination of my skinny body ,flat **** and skin colour makes me feel really ugly so hopefully I'm not insecure abt it and am content with myself.this was really dark but i think its important to be clear so you my future self and understand it more On topic of workout I do hope i dont quit cus I'm insecure right now and if I wish I could change things about past me i would definitely make him workout so as present self i should work out so my future self doesn't regret it .I'm learning the frog pose to start calisthenics,it really hurts ur tricep area cus ur knee digs into it but i won't quit. I have many regret in the past few years , abandoning amd dhanay and rude out of nowhere and never apologizing or making amends cus i dont wanna make things wierd, the way i talked to trisha , not trying to keep anishva still in grp but now that I have talked abt everything that's happened till now i want to talk abt the future , hey future samik I hope ur doing well, I'll probably send this to various time period so I want to cover a lot , first of all I'm studying for boards ,so how did that go? Am I happy with how i did , do I wish I tried harder? Did i disappoint myself? Was all the hard work worth it? Im hoping for 80%+ but even if u don't get it's fine becus I know u tried and I dont blame you . Leave the boards have u figured out what you're going to do for your career? I currently have no clue which is why I'm more scared for choosing my career than I am of board exams , what if im not able to choose something in time , what if I choose something and I come to hate , what if years into my degree i start to regret it , what if the degree I'm doing is useless and I will not earn enough. I'm so scared of the future cus I don't have a single idea to work towards , maybe i should've taken science and just suffered but atleast i would have a clear path to a career , in commerce I have no idea what to do .I hope whatever we are doing I'm happy with and am doing diligently and even if i regret it , that's ok there a lot of things i regret but what's done is done so move on . Im still skinny, i wish I could add pictures here but I have a progress album so u can't just see there how it's been, I hope whatever time I'm sending this to , even if ur still skinny please tell me ur atleast bigger and more muscular than I am now . I don't have any crush on anyone now , I hope I get a girlfriend cus if not what's the point of life . I really hope i stay friends with pandavs grp and shivam and nisarg atleast . I think thats it for me wow 2200+ words that's crazy , i tried to cover a lot from oct 2023 till July 2025 so it's go really long and i probably missed a lot but that's ok it's hard to summarise 2 years of my life . Future samik don't stop the tradition and continue writing to ur future self without fail!! I'm sacred of the future cus i don't even know who I am now so how can I know what I will be in some time. All I can say is hopefully future me is someone current me would be happy to become and be proud of myself Goodbye.