A letter from Jun 20, 2025

I woke up this morning, don't want to get out of my bed, because the pain, mental health, and the weigh on my chest, still hurt me and **** all my energy, I want to do nothing, all i want to do is laying down and scroll on Tiktok to find motivation video to motivate me, so i can start my days. 5 hours past, i could't find any video that can encourage me, but i force myself to take a step out of bed, and grab my notebook and my pen to write what's happening to me right now, i wrote down all my feeling and my thoughts. As the result, it helps my feeling not to overthinking and reduce my painful and stress, yeah this work for me to heal myself. For this reason. i start to think about my future, what if i change this bad habit now? what if i can start focus on myself right now, what if i believe in myself that i can walk through this hard situation? i asked myself all these questions and i gave answer to myself. Finally i can start to understand this situations right now. furthermore, in this hardest situation i face right now, god just want to **** my bad version, god made a new way for me, the reason he put me in the battle, he just want me to get stronger first. moreover i realize the reason that everything that i have lost it the key for me to change and upgrade my version. So, i should be grateful for this gift. so, now time to change and upgrade myself to be the best version,