A letter from June 1st, 2025

Dear Elizabeth, You broke up with someone recently. The second person you've ever dated and loved in your 32 year life-span. You're not a poor kid in LA anymore. Your Dad is no longer an alcoholic. Your mom is no longer a victim of emotional or physical abuse. You don't live in the projects anymore. You can afford food without feeling shame in the grocery aisle because your mom was paying with paper food stamps. You are less sad now and have diminished your crying throughout the last seven years. You have found hobbies you love. You feel safe in your work environment, which is something you've recently achieved. You've achieved impressive things for someone who almost died when she first came into the world. You recently were diagnosed with depression in remission, autism, social anxiety, and PMDD. When you informed the person you broke up with the first time about your PMDD, he mentioned he didn't think he could support you. You tried to give it another shot despite what you learned about his response and disliked hearing from him after he told you that. Before this break up, you spent a whole decade alone, not dating anyone. Trying to learn who you are at your core and trying to build the best version of yourself. You've learned a lot about self respect, improving your self esteem, accountability, getting out of your comfort zone, boundaries, lifelong learning, and the power of hope during incredibly challenging times throughout your life. You still believe in love, serendipity, fate, and something new which you've been totally against most of your life is...luck. You've had some of these qualities as a kid but have refined and learned new parts about yourself. You're kind, very sensitive, a thinker, a problem solver, a do-er. Your love for creativity and the human experience still holds true. You like supporting people emotionally. It's something you're a natural in and a role that was partially given in the family order of things. After your second visit with your therapist this past week post breakup, you came to a realization that you've done that for others at times infinitely throughout your life. You realized you were re-living an old script still when you try to pour yourself into emotionally absent men and even people who may lack empathy, emotional intelligence, loyalty, and a character that can be measured by what they do versus what they say. You are a sister. A daughter. A friend. A human......but who are you? When you figure that out further and further, never forget to pour all of your love, kindness, empathy, and dedication into yourself always. You only get one life and it's passing you by. Never settle. Do not fear the unknown. Do not fear failure. Do not fear success. Change has always been scary to me. Everything that you want to be is just around the corner of when you allow yourself to live. When you allow yourself to feel. When you allow yourself to be yourself without questioning. That means you have to take accountability for everything you do, say, or feel in this world constantly that might be destroying you. You have to let go of ego and pride to the highest depths. Letting go of control is a side effect. Otherwise, you'll stay in the same place your whole life and miss out on the big earth. It'll never be about perfection. Just your own evolution in the end.