A letter from May 31, 2025

Dear FutureMe, 06/01/25 I'm writing this in my laptop that papa gave to us for our Senior High, while listening to Ariana's Twilight Zone. Finding a courage to write a letter like this to ease my broken heart. Guess what? We just got heartbroken. Well, it's been a month since it happened but since then, i never really became interested to love again. Every guy who messages us, either i ghost them or just ignore them. Pero, this afternoon, he stalked our tiktok account after weeks of not stalking it, not only that he also reposted some things about losing a great woman and finally admitting that it's his fault for losing me. After I saw that, a lot of emotions started kicking in, i even cried. Probably because i was expecting a sorry from him but he never really said it. I don't want him back but a part of me still thinks he could change and be better, but half of me says that don't get back with him after all the things he did to us. It's always like that, everytime i misses him, that part of anger and realization always hits to me. I'm stuck in between. Sometimes, I'm mad at him some days I'm not. I think I can forget him its just i need a lot of time. And maybe because he was our firsts in everything. First kiss, first boyfriend, first in everything. In that 1 year, i felt that he really loved me, i think? It's just this weird feeling of wanting to completely forget about him but also wanting him back idk. I'm still confused. Let's set that aside, now what im most excited about is my Senior High School life! HIMC is a change of environment after years of being in a public school. I have a lot of doubts considering that were an achiever, i'm scared that what if their grading system are much higher will i be able to handle it? Its like 30% scared but 70% excited. I really want to pursue law school, i dont care what or how much will it take me but I WANT to really enter law school. I've put so much in my high school to just not enter what i've been wanting ever since.