A letter from May 30, 2025

Dear Varsha, How are you? Right now, it’s May 29th, 2025, and I’m writing this after crying a lot, hoping that things are better for you than they are right now. I’ve been crying for a month due to everything happening in my life. Honestly, there has been no happiness for the past three years! Let me refresh your memory about where you were on this day five years ago. You’re 30 years old, living alone in a PG, carrying the huge financial burden of paying off $87K—a debt that isn’t even yours but your husband’s spending. You’re living on a different continent away from your family. You’ve lost your old self—it’s been years since I remember my genuine laughter. I’ve completely lost my confidence, lost the old Varsha. I miss her. I miss how bubbly and lively I was! Everyone around me wanted to be with me because I chuckled a lot and took things so easily. I remember advising my friends not to cry like a baby—but look at me now, bawling almost every day. Because of everything I’m going through, I struggle to talk to new people. I have so much happening in my mind. I’m away from my family. My husband hasn’t been working for three years, and I’ve taken on odd jobs to support our household. He was never serious about his career, and I didn’t know this until after we got married. I don’t really have anyone right now—not even a friend. Remember how you started crying out of nowhere, no matter where you were? I wasn’t trying to get attention—it just happened randomly. That’s when I realized how much pain I had in my heart. I remember silently crying in the Walmart aisle or while walking down the street. I’m glad I have brown skin—no one can tell when I cry. I was never like this! Never in my life have I cried this much. This past month, there hasn’t been a single night where I didn’t cry myself to sleep. Remember how you prayed to everything you saw—like the mountains in Zion National Park—hoping that the Mountain God could hear you? Funny you! I’m typing this with tears in my eyes right now. I want you to remember these days. I don’t know if all of this will make you stronger, because right now, I am not. Well, here I am crying again. I hope you’re happy now. I hope you’re in good health. I hope you’ve paid off all your debt and have money now. But with that money, I hope you remain humble and always remember where you came from—because you came from barely anything. I hope things have changed for the better. I hope you have a child—or maybe not. I don’t want to bring them into the kind of situation I’m in now. Things are tough, but I have hope that they’ll get better. It’s been a rough four years—it should get better, right?And if you remember, for the past month, I’ve been hoping for an accident to happen so I could die suddenly, without pain. And oh! Remember how your eyes were always filled with tears, but whenever someone asked, you’d just say, “Hey, it’s just dust in my eye!” I don’t know if I need help at this point. My husband has been struggling, too. We’ve been in different states, in different time zones. I’m not sure if I should tell him what I’m going through. Does he even care? He put me in this situation, didn’t he? Should I blame him or blame my fate? Do I even have the strength to hold on to hope? I wish I knew what my life would be like ten years from now! Were all these struggles worth it? I hope you aren’t in the same mental state you’re in now. I hope you’re happy—just once. I hope you laugh like you did when you were 25—those giggles! No matter what the world says, you’ve been through so much, and you deserve all the love. I love you. You’re strong—you’ve always been strong. You’ve been through hell, starting from the early months of marriage. Right from the second month, you were working 3 AM shifts, waking up at 2 AM in a panic from your alarm, struggling to go to work in harsh snow every day. hope you’re in a far better place today than where you are while I’m writing this. You’re at rock bottom—but I believe it can only go up from here. You’re an amazing person, and you deserve happiness. I wish and pray you find it. I want to remind you that you're not alone, and it's okay to reach out for help. If you're feeling overwhelmed, please consider talking to a trusted friend, family member, or professional. You deserve happiness and support. 💙 Love- past Varsha.