A letter from May 27th, 2025

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, I’m so mad at myself for believing that he actually loved me again. I thought I could make him happy and make him realize that I still love him but instead he’s getting with penny. I can’t even be mad because she’s pretty and when I saw her story and I saw so much of him I knew. I sadly knew but I didn’t want to accept it. He said everything she does makes him happy. That used to be me. Everything I did made him happy and now I still do things that make him happy and he thinks I’m fun but not like how he used to. I hate penny. I absolutely hate her. Why could she have done something like this to me. She knew I liked him still. She ******* knew and we even talked about it today. No wonder she wanted me to move on so badly. She just wants him all to herself and I hate her for that. She knew I liked him, she knew I missed him and still had the audacity to ask if I would be fine with her dating him. SHE STILL ASKED. WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH HER. SHE KNEW. I THOUGHT I COULD TELL HER BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE WOULD JUDGE ME BUT NO. SHE MADE IT WORSE AND I HATE IT. I’m already imagining them talking. she wakes up early for church every Sunday. She’ll text him good morning and he’ll reply hours later saying “GOOD MORNING BABYYY” (my phone recognizes that text messages in my phone instantly btw) he will ask her how she slept and she’ll answer and then ask how he slept. He’ll say he dreamt of her or something he told me. She will admire that text and think of it all day wondering how she got so lucky to have him when I once had him. They’ll text all day and heck they might even call to pass the time. He’ll have to leave to go eat dinner and they’ll end the call with “I love you” and I won’t ever be able to hear that come out of his mouth again. Because even if I did, it’ll never be directed to me again. It’ll be directed to her. The girl who knew how badly I missed him. The girl who knew I would do anything to get him back and decided that he couldn’t even wait a month after he left me to get with him but instead wait less than two weeks. Maybe I should be happy she asked if I would be fine with it you may think but if she was my true friend.. she wouldve dropped him the second I told her that he called me abusive and cheated. Maybe this is God’s sign that he wants me to move on. Maybe he’s staring at me from above and wishing that I would listen to him and move on with my life because he has better things for me along the way and wants to see me happy. However, i only saw myself happy when I was talking to him and now I’m here. I just can’t imagine any of this. Him hugging her, her getting to kiss the soft lips I’m never going to get to feel again. Them running to each other after class just to walk together. Them getting to say I love you and have fights about who loves the other more. By the way, I won the competition. I loved him more.. I miss him. I miss the memories. I even miss fighting with him because it was with him. I can’t see myself moving on and this is so hard. I know someday I will look back and think “man i was so overdramatic, i moved on so easily” (btw it’s 11:11 and I just wished to find a better love in the future. I used to wish for me and kj to stay together forever but clearly it didn’t work) but back to the story.. since im living in it right now i don’t want to imagine moving on. Even if my future self will maybe be scrolling through her notes trying to find something or maybe even just remembering old memories and i was looking for this just to remember how difficult this was for ourself and find this. she’ll/ we will be reading this remember the day we felt like this and had vomited 3 times in the past two weeks I’ve been single. Hopefully I don’t remember this pain because this might be the most difficult pain I’ve ever experienced and felt before. Maybe by the time I find this again I’ll have a new boyfriend? He will be super duper awesome and hopefully I’ll love him more than anything because maybe my mom is right. Maybe I didn’t completely understand this love. Maybe I just thought I did because he was the first guy who bought me presents and called me beautiful which was a word I had never heard used to describe me. Maybe this boyfriend will treat me 100000000000x times better than kj ever did. I’ll have good friends who don’t get with my ex and maybe I’ll be finally moved on. I’ll look back at this moment and think “man I remember I went through this poor baby I’m so happy we recovered” and maybe with tears in my eyes after reading my 14 year old self’s emotions I will open my messages and say “baby you won’t believe what I just found.”

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