A letter from May 27, 2025

HAHAHAHAHA bentar, aku mau ketawain diri sendiri dulu. MOKONDO *****????????? lol. unbelivably dumb. tapi ya emang kita gaakan pernah tau rasanya sampe kita ngalamin sendiri. root cause? being and "in-dependent" woman. it attracts narcissists and unstable man. That night I remember.. "it's okay, sit. sit. on your knee. open your mouth. let your tongue out. please? wider. can I *** on your mouth?" I was begging. Gak mau. gak mau. i don't want to. haha. coercion. ****. ****. i did it bcs I was scared. he was scary. he was a monster. then goes "there's your punishment". so you know how desperate I was. najis. anjing. babi. i was suicidal, alone, i didn't get the validation and closure i want. peer pressure about love and relationship, i saw an opportunity, i ignore the red flags, I took it. stumbled. leads to emotionally draining experience, my body was giving signs, my eyes cant lie, people around me starts to notice the change, he was manipulative, like a ******* monster, that night, the punishment. humiliating. where was my sense of self? it was not my fault, he took that vulnerability, took my trust and destroyed it. Thank God I was saved. I remember kak pandu, kakek and mami calling me. It was all wrong. I accept it. I was blind. He still wrong for everything he did. the good was too good to be true, it was good, but it was a manipulation. i was struggling back and forth. want him, miss him, angry, sad, so sad, cried, scared, want him, laugh it off, sad, anger, disgust. haha.. what an emotional turmoil. suicidal. that's the cause. then comes ****** assault. by first boyfriend ever. huh. everything I said at that time was true and real, but I was blinded. blinded by help, love, hope. i was already at my worst. i thought I was smart, then I realized I was a fool. i am still probably a fool, but I am experienced, I am skilled. even though I read books about it, consumes that IT girl idea, I was still missing a point. but thanks to me, I read books, I sense the sign and tendency. i was finally seek for help that I needed. thanks to them really. i would like to thankyou for the people that came when I seek for help. i slept with friends, tamara, then celine and firdha. then a couple day with celine. really grateful for them. they're there at my lowest. they're the real saint. the real angel. they ask for nothing in return. Dinda.. Adinda Im so sorry okay, you endure so much in life. now it's time to regain your power, and beauty back. it doesn't define who you are, it helps you realize HOW MUCH POWER YOU ******* GOT. *****. LOVE YOU. tell me where you are rn <3