A letter from May 22, 2025

Dear Keya-November2026, HOW WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY?????? I HOPE U ASKED FOR A DIGICAM AS A BDAY GIFT. Anyways, I just wanted to check in. It's May right now, you're sitting at your desk in a small office in Malleswaram, working on an excel sheet for WWF INDIA. It has only been 6 days since my internship has started, but honestly, it feels like 60. I wish I could text Srujan right now, but I know that he'd be busy too, this is how I'd be dealing with my boredom either way. I was just wondering how you are now, how is life? How complicated is everything? Did it help? Did getting rid of everything that hurt you work out for the better? Right now, in the hot and humid month of May, I am currently in the process of shedding my skin, I am losing it yes, but I am also- growing, undergoing change, all for the better- please tell me that I am not wrong and that my progress wasn't temporary. These past couple of months have been hell, they have been, Honest-to-God the worst months of my life. I have never felt so stupid, worthless and cruel. But I am working towards all of that, I am not stupid, definitely not worthless, and I am trying so god**** hard to be a better person. One thing I am sure of right now- is that I don't want to be in a relationship, I don't want to wake up every day for someone else, I can't, I need to wake up for myself, make my bed for myself, look after myself. A week ago, you checked your weight, to find out that you've gained 5 kilos, I think that you dealt with that pretty well. You blocked Ayaan on every platform also a week ago, you dealt with that pretty well too. Right now, I am thankful for my parents, my beautiful, small house, and my beautiful, small dog. My two best friends- Nihira and Shivanya, who are also my flatmates now. How are you? How are your friends, have you proven your worth to them yet? Or are you still secretly always worried about missing out on an invite? How is college, you still sure that this is what you want to do? Because I know I am. What changed? Did you ever figure it out? Is life simpler now? Is he still there- lurking and waiting, or perhaps- something more? I'm doing okay right now, I'm hitting the gym regularly, and eating the right food. I miss my friends, and I don't miss him- I have accepted that he is not the person that I want him to be, and he never was the person that I thought he was. Are you still seeing your therapist? Tell me you talk about other things now. Work on your drinking problem, you alcoholic. You're beautiful, no one else can decide that except for you. And I'm telling you that right now- even though I don't fully believe it yet. I know you always need to hear that for yourself. I know you. You know me. I am proud of us. We made it so far. No matter what you're doing right now, I know you've got it all under control. And if you're going through something right now, you will pull yourself out of it. Remember nothing could possibly be as bad as March 2025. We will always make it out alive, because that's who we are. I love you, I hope u didn't go back 2 him u ho. Tell Nihira and Shivanya that I love them, if you ever fight with them, remember that they have always been there, and now it's your turn to stick around. Hope the new house is working out for all of you, Smoke some weed whenever u get the chance pls&thx, Keya-May2025.