A letter from May 20, 2025

Dear FutureMe, This is 12:58 PM and I am just writing this because I am too bored, like REALLY bored. But I am still happy since I have passed a time that I thought I would end my life. Lemme tell you about YOUR childhood (or at least half of your childhood). I don't have many memories about things happened before I was in 4th grade, which is about 2 years ago, so I will just begin this letter when I was in half of 4th grade. I don't know why my life was like in cloud nine a second ago, and then turned into a hell a second after. I think I was depressed because something that I cant remember, but definitely that thing was TOO EXTREME for a 4th-grade-child. I just remember that my mom told me that why were I like always so mad? No one will love me (I think it included my mom) if they see your emotion. I thought the problem was MINE, and that was also the first time I have ever thought about harming myself, but didnt do that. Then, another trouble came - my mom read my messages. Was that too extreme for a child who was in 4th-grade? I thought so, especially when that child was in one of the most her wonderful holiday. After I knew that, I could not enjoyed my holiday ANYMORE. Imagining you have gone through a big trouble and then another come? TOO EXHAUSTED. I tried not to talk with her, and then I succeed. But her emotion was not like mine. She tried to talk with me, even when I didnt want to. After the trip, I came back home and then she apologized me, but I didnt care. She tried to soften my heart, but then failed. Lastly, she turned all of her wrongdoing into mine when she realized that her apologization didnt work. After I calmed her down, I didnt mind about that until now. My 11-year-old version seems like much more relaxed than the before version. Except for one thing - my mom read my messages AGAIN. Because I have been in this situation one time, so I guess I had more experience. In the conversation, I talk about my mom in a bad way and show something bad to my future boyfriend (we broke up) I tried to ignore her speech and then tried to get out of the room, but she made me to sit with her and then listen to her. Actually, she started to cry, even when she was the one who need to sorry me. Then, I pretended to realize my bad and then say sorry to her (but i still dont know what my bad was). After some days, she still remembered that and thinks that was my problem. ( I also have an idea to harm myself. But again, i didnt do that either) Now, I think she is so graceless. I dont know how to do a thing, and then she told it to my cousin's family?? WTF??? She thought that I am a baby and dont need my honor?? Also, my mom was tend to show my embarass picture to my cousin's family, is she that graceless? YES, SHE IS. Besides that, I also faced my stress in the begin of 6th grade. I didnt get use to with a new way to study, so I couldnt do my exercises effectively, which takes me lots of time. I was so sad. This begins when one of my friends - An Nhien told me that I need to study in a serious way to succeed when I am in this school. This really wake me up. I started to study like I have never done before. I also faced peer-pressure- a thing that I thought I wouldnt face when I was in primary school. Then, when I could not stand by myself anymore, I cried when I was in class like a baby. But finally, I got through that rough time by some special way. Now, I am not sure if I am alright or not. I still find it hard to intergrate with my friends (just recently) and my family also has a big financial problem (our doubt is up to 1 billion vnd and my brother is in university). But now, I think I have almost succeed to intergrate w my friends (or at least a group of friend) and believe that things are gonna be okay.