A letter from May 17, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Today you feel something different for him . You saw him through different eyes you saw him through the eyes of other ppl looking at him . Your eyes were different too . You cared so much your hurt was his hurt . It’s not the grief it’s the solidarity that grief affords . It’s the vulnerability . It’s the desire to keep me close as a safe place it’s this newly engorged want to take care of him . It’s the respect I have for a woman who took care of him it’s the knowing how much he was loved by her and by so many other beautiful souls and for the first time actually understanding why family is so important to him and somehow it makes me think maybe it was important to me at some point maybe it never was- I’m honestly not sure if trauma has shaped my idea of family but I feel like maybe …it’s not a sacrifice maybe it’s not me losing myself maybe it’s me learning and growing into values that I was too small to fill out before . Maybe I’m discovering a new self . Maybe my heart grew a little more that day like a grinch he was probably Aquarius too and what I was capable of before was just a Virgo level of love . Maybe I can love more than I thought . At this moment I would say yes at this moment I’d pack my bags and move into a 1bdr and sleep in an extra blanket while the air is on high. I’d close the cabinets you leave open and boil bake roast chicken ****** and hold you when you cry and hug you when you smile and hug you when you get home and sleep in the same bed on the least comfortable side bc I simply sleep easier than you and …maybe it’s not a sacrifice maybe it’s not me losing myself maybe it’s me learning and growing into values that I was too small to fill out before