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Dear FutureMe,
So we failed our probation at NFS on April 17th. We've been looking for a job since and only had 2 interviews, one of which has been ******** but the other I'm praying to get. The money is okay, the place seems chill but professional and overall, it'll easy pay the bills. I just need security, that's all.The big bill we were worried about is all paid off now, what a ******* relief.
The next kind of chapter, outside of the work stuff, is one that I didn't think I'd ever have to face; being jealous of my best friend having a baby before me whilst also having a job, a house with her fiancé and 2 cats. I know they've worked hard, I get it but so much of me is jealous that I'm not there yet and still feel so far from it. I'm unbelievably happy for her, she deserves all the happiness the world have give her, truly. I just wish I had the job, the baby, the house that I could say my name is on, money and just my life together compared to what it is now.
I love my husband, I really do, I just really feel like I've let him down compared to the goals I had personally and as a couple from when we first met.
I've ****** up a lot, so much in fact which is probs why things aren't great now. Sure, I could've gone full self destruction mode so many times with my bipolar, but with what damage I have caused, it still feels like I might've actually ****** up my future professionally and personally as well to a degree.
So much for the 'she so bright' when I was younger. I have 2 GCSE's, gone through half a dozen workplaces in 5 years, a relationship that I don't deserve and financial instability. How I'm still going I don't really know at this point, I really don't
So we failed our probation at NFS on April 17th. We've been looking for a job since and only had 2 interviews, one of which has been ******** but the other I'm praying to get. The money is okay, the place seems chill but professional and overall, it'll easy pay the bills. I just need security, that's all.The big bill we were worried about is all paid off now, what a ******* relief.
The next kind of chapter, outside of the work stuff, is one that I didn't think I'd ever have to face; being jealous of my best friend having a baby before me whilst also having a job, a house with her fiancé and 2 cats. I know they've worked hard, I get it but so much of me is jealous that I'm not there yet and still feel so far from it. I'm unbelievably happy for her, she deserves all the happiness the world have give her, truly. I just wish I had the job, the baby, the house that I could say my name is on, money and just my life together compared to what it is now.
I love my husband, I really do, I just really feel like I've let him down compared to the goals I had personally and as a couple from when we first met.
I've ****** up a lot, so much in fact which is probs why things aren't great now. Sure, I could've gone full self destruction mode so many times with my bipolar, but with what damage I have caused, it still feels like I might've actually ****** up my future professionally and personally as well to a degree.
So much for the 'she so bright' when I was younger. I have 2 GCSE's, gone through half a dozen workplaces in 5 years, a relationship that I don't deserve and financial instability. How I'm still going I don't really know at this point, I really don't
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