A letter from May 07, 2025

Dear FutureMe, I am writing this at 17, I’ve just finished my year 12 mocks. I think they went well (I’ve only got one back so far but it was an A so that’s a good sign). You will have done your A levels now, I hope they went well, I’m sure they did because you worked so hard. I booked flights last week for my first holiday abroad (all alone) and to be honest I’m a bit nervous, the furthest I’ve been in the caravan park on family holidays in the car. I’ve never used my passport, been on a plane or been alone for that long like ever. I’m glad mum said yes though because I know I’m still legally a child but how will I grow and learn if I never leave home? I’m more excited than scared though, of course. I cannot wait to see Toni I miss her so so much. I really really hope you’re still close with her and Ann (and I hope you saw Ann for your 18th in February). It’s been about a month and a half since C and E started ignoring me but I genuinely feel ok and unbothered now, it’s nowhere near as bad as H and B. I know reading this will make you laugh but I feel like I’m so so much more mature now than I was this time last year. I am much more confident in myself (all thanks to Toni to be honest), I’m more grateful for the things and people around me (thanks to Ann), I’m grateful for the past (thanks to Sadie and Kim) and I’m more than anything grateful for the future. These exams seem so minor to you now but it’s the first time I’ve actually put proper effort into myself, my studies and my future so I’m really proud I locked in over Easter and in school in general (it actually helped that my friends dropped me because I had nothing better to do than revise). Recently being out of a friend group has found me spending time with so many different people and I LOVE IT! I love seeing my work friends, chatting with Alma at work or going out for drinks with Jen. I love talking to Trudie in sociology and spending frees and lunches with Alexa, grace, Jess, Rachael, George, Molly and Izzy. I feel much better socialised now than even two months ago. The sun is out now so that helps too (even though I got really badly sunburnt last week). I think I miss the girls in my old group but we weren’t that close and I don’t think they thought much of me, to be honest I just liked listening to them talk, thinking back now I didn’t contribute much to conversation at all, I just took up space. Currently I’m still in the stage of E asking to talk abt what happened but for over a month now she said we need to talk, I still don’t know what it was that made her stop talking to me but idc anymore it’s either that serious that she can’t even say it or it’s so small that she’s dragged it out to far to do anything about now. I’m over it though, as I said. All I think about is going on holiday, seeing all of my other friends, seeing Holly, working and studying. I genuinely love school so so much at the moment (you probably hated the last few months of year 13 I know) but my subjects are still as fascinating as they were in September and I still have the same if not more love for learning. I’m considering entering a couple of Cambridge essay competitions just for fun over the next few weeks but I’ve got to choose which ones first. I started working at the library last week and it’s good. I love how productive it is because it’s like a proper job (well it is because it’s paid) but all I do it sit in silence and read my book or sort out the book shelves and organise everything (which is my favourite mind-numbing thing to do). You would’ve got paid for the job by now so I hope you put half to Germany and Marbella? (Please because that was the plan) if not then I hope you got a third job to cover it. That’s enough about me because there’s not much going on in my life right now anyway. I hope you’re doing well, I know you will be because a levels are over, you’re 18 and you’re free! You probably miss school and are going to miss your friends so so much (especially the loose friends that you probably won’t meet up with again). I know I used to say this in letters to my 18 year old self when I was like 13 but I hope you have a boyfriend, not because I think you need one but because I think it’d be fun! If not then I hope you’re out on the town going clubbing (finally legally not sneaking in the back) picking up boys and being able to say your real age to them. I hope you’re still a bit cheeky and are having a good time all the time just because you can. I hope you’re working hard and always learning but not letting the world depress you (as of 19.40 on 07/05/2025) the global political state of the world is a nightmare and I can imagine it’ll be the same if not worse for you. Don’t lose hope, uni will be fun, you’ll meet even more new people and maybe get a boyfriend or a solid friend group. One day you’ll be living like Ally and G (without the followers) in a flat in London working in the city in IR or getting your masters (eventually). I hope you don’t lose ambition because you’re certainly full of it now! I really wish you the best, lots of love from D xxxxxxx