A letter from May 05, 2025

Dear FutureMe, i can’t do this anymore. i’m flailing everywhere, im stuck between the thoughts of i wish i could **** my self and the fact im too scared to do that. it’s like a cliff jump it’s how i see it in my mind, your afraid until you jump and then fheres no turning back but you know it’s going to be ok. but it’s not, it’s never going to be ok because i’ll be ******* dead and everyone who ever destroyed me will be gone but will they even care i cant make that decision based off of wether one person will care because i wont even know. and i nearly watched elle ******* die last night and the worst part is i feel like im using that for pity which is sad i have to even feel like i need to do that because no one ******* cares about me. they’ll only care when i’m gone i hate being alive i can’t do it. but watching one of my best friends dying in front of me will forever change my perspective of things. i keep seeing her lying there limp not breathing and maddy crying and puking and aubrey scared that she’s going to lose the first person she ever truley loved. i remember aubrey was trying to hold it together so hard but i could hear her stiffle her sobs. and i need his twink *** to walk out of my life forever i don’t know how to handle this anymore like i actually can’t do it, i wish i was ******* dead. i just want to feel pretty and i want cool people to think im cool it hurts so much.