A letter from May 04, 2025

Dear FutureMe, it's May 5th, 8:49 am. I don't want to go to school, sinceI'mm sick and got 2 hours of sleep. My mom let me stay home, although I think she worries about me. My counsellor called her, and now she thinks I'm genuinely bad. Things have been calm lately—probably too calm. I think I'm in for some karma or something. Josh and I have just passed six months, and I think this is the most I've ever felt for a boy. I'm happy with him, which is a major surprise since I planned on dumping him after a month or two. He's the sweetest guy ever and is actually in love with me. Here's a cheeky poem I just wrote whilst crashing out. I found inner peace, but at what cost? I got the sense of serenity that I begged so hard for, but now I've been nerfed by apathy. i don't know if its the Take Care I'm listening to right now, or If im just having an episode, but ***** been so numb. I don't feel as deeply as I used to, and I miss it. I miss being able to sit in a field and be miserable. I miss worrying over tests and bad friends. I miss being able to take my hands off a rollercoaster and experience the thrill that comes with playing with *****. Now I hear about those ****** friends and stressful dilemmas wonder how it truly felt back then when emotional impermanence wasn't plaguing my speechless soul. The best thing about being human is being intelligent enough to FEEL. Who am I without my screams? Without my desperate cries for a life that I myself withdrew from? Life without passion is nothing more than ***** itself. Yep ***** been chill though. I have no complaints tbh. I love my friends, even if they don't love me the same. There are only 3 years until I can escape this stupid town, and 2 years till I graduate. Thank you future me. i pray you are still able to see this, a year from now. i love you, like no one else. you fought so hard. im so proud of you. if we make it another year, i want you to go down to coles and buy a Big M. drink it in the train station parking lot as the sun goes down, and remember how we felt back when life had no point, and yet more point than anything else.