A letter from May 04, 2025

Dear FutureMe, I hope that when you read this, your chest feels a little lighter and your heart doesn’t ache the same way it does today. I’m writing from the middle of something heavy — something I didn’t want to believe I’d ever have to do. Today, I chose to let go of someone I once called my best friend. Right now, I’m filled with a mix of anger, hurt, and guilt. It’s confusing, because I don’t often feel anger — but today, it’s here. And it’s real. I feel used. I feel criticized. I feel like I gave so much of myself, bent over backwards to be safe, understanding, kind — and all I got in return was dismissal, complaints, and the feeling that no matter how much I gave, it was never enough. I let her into my life with completely open arms. I meant it when I said I’d be there for her, but I also said those things because I wanted her to feel okay — and now I’m realizing I was never okay. I made promises I couldn’t keep, not out of malice, but out of a desperate need to make someone else feel loved… even if it meant abandoning myself. And that’s what I’m trying to stop doing now: abandoning myself. I don’t know if you’ve forgiven her. I don’t even know if you still think about her. Maybe the hurt still lingers, or maybe you’ve finally made peace with it. Either way, I hope you’re proud of me for walking away. For choosing peace over guilt. For finally letting myself feel angry — not because I want to live in bitterness, but because anger means I’m finally waking up to what I deserve. If the guilt tries to creep back in, please remind yourself that you did everything you could. You were never cold. You were never cruel. You were generous, patient, and deeply human. I hope you’ve found people who love you without asking you to shrink. I hope you’ve kept the softness, but learned to protect it. I hope you feel safe in your own life. But even if you’re still figuring it out — I’m proud of you. Love, Me (when I was just starting to choose myself)