A letter from April 28th, 2025

Dear FutureMe,      Today.....i am going to hostel again after my visit to home of 3 days....i am desperate to go and meet Lipsa and Priyanshi i think i've found gems....i really want to remember them forever. The vibe match and the comfort they provide is something i never got from my friends. i want to remember them, remember the time we shared. but a part of me is afraid of the resultof boards that is to come in few days, i am not ready for it and for some reason it is also giving mesome rare suicidal thoughts. i can't share it with others so i am writing it to myself. 
i hope you survive the most toughest time of your teenage,Aliza. Just remember i am with you, you don't need others when you have yourself. what if i fail ? what if i don't score good marks ? i've been going through my downfall since class 8 i don't want to fail please the anxiety is eating me out......will it be the end of me ? will i give up ? will i not be able to fulfill my dreams ? i have made tons of Duas for my future,my dreams,my love,my marks.i don't think i'll be able to handle it if i fail, my emotional,physical and psychological supports is gonna crumble.  i don't think i'll be able to fight my anxiety and my suicidal thoughts.....
i want help, i want someone to assure me,i want someone to support me. But there is no one.....no one.