A letter from Apr 16, 2025

Dear FutureMe, happy birthday!! you're finally 21 years old. which means that you spent 21 years being there for so many people. the last time i wrote you this, i had no idea what we'll be doing with our lives. well now you are in the university pursuing a degree you always wanted. and i hope it goes that way. and as always theres so much sadness in you, you're bleeding. its in your bones, your flesh and it shows in your eyes. god, how much did we go through, i keep saying we made it but honestly i'm not sure hat it means to 'make it" somewhere. studying is hard, it really is but i'm trying my best not to disappoint you with everyone else, its so much pressure but i swear i'm trying. i hope by that time you stop serving around and start to be there for yourself. so what ur siblings dont have a mother? neither did you. its not your fault to begin with so why do you have to feel burdened for something like that. i hope you stop putting so much energy to make this a home, or that you stop trying to b e ther for your mom who cant get over herself. none of this was ever your fault, you were a child too. i hope its easier for us next year. **** me, and burn me alive. don't bring me with you to next year. everything is so difficult and I'm just tired from everything. you need to realize how wrong this is, you were just a child, you were just 10 how can they do this to you. from once what seemed like the brightest child one could have, like a star. and look at you now, just breathing making it easier for others, do you realize you're drowning. you're drowning and the salty water burns in your throat and yet you do nothing about it. its like you're just waiting to become seafoam. would you ask your friends and family to visit you at the beach, would you ask your mom look for you when the waves collide, would you tell your mom that it rains when you cry? you're nothing but a skull, full of memories you tried to get over ur entire life, for trying to take responsibility of every horrid thing that has ever happened. you've become a tree trying to shadow your loved ones from harsh run and heat. and when you're all dried and all ur leaves wither, they'll cut u off wont they? why do u live this way? your love burns, so much. why dont you realise it hurts others. your intention are pure, but you're fire. your touch is gentle but impactful. just when you're 21 live for yourself, just when your 21 visit those cafes and libraries that you've always wanted to, just when youre 21 live it a bit the way you always wanted. when youre 21 act like a 21 year old. i love you. love, 20 year old homa