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Dear FutureMe,
do you remember when you were 10 and you had all that strange wisdom? Remember when I’d protest against almost anything… to have something to fight for. Remember how I would explore every stereotype. Like how come all girls have to like pink? How come I can’t wear a suit and a tie to a formal event and still be a girl? Why does the pressure have to be so strong? Like how come just because I’m the oldest sibling, somehow I’m supposed to be more mature, more responsible, more confident, know exactly which paths I want to lead, set a good example, be something or someone better. And yet, I still want to be a kid… and yet, I still want to be more mature than my younger brother, bc that’s the way of things, right? It feels like I’m slipping. Like compared to last year, I’m falling. And yet, I’m older and supposed to be figuring things out. I feel like something is coming from behind and pushing me towards a cliff or a black hole that will eat me up and I’m over here holding on to everything I possibly can bc I don’t think I could live falling down there. I also feel like no matter how loud I scream, no one hears me… I’m scared. I’m scared to be someone completely different. I’m scared for my friends to walk away and I’ll still be trying to cling on. I’m scared to grow up. I’m scared to disappoint, to let down. I’m scared to lose myself. To lose everything. I’m scared I’ll lose my friends… I’m scared to lose just thosefriends, who I need more than anything, but I’m scared that I’m holding them back. And yet, this is a bad time, possibly the worst time to be slipping. I need to be strong. I need to lead. I need to fight. I need to take ahold of my life. I need to do this, do that. But how can I possibly do that, when right now, I’m so close to that edge. And it’s no one’s fault but my own. I need to grab onto something, anything, just something that’s sturdy enough to pull me up just a little farther. Because, after all, I’m supposed to be better, right? All I know, is no matter how far I can be to falling, I still got to turn around and push back at that something that’s pushing me orfind another way out. Come on Senna, your whole life you fought to find another route out of something… use it. You need to. Don’t follow the crowd. Be yourself. Live in the moment, like you always seem to do. Remember to hold on to what you need and let go of what you don’t. You got this, no matter how much of a wreck you are.
Stay strong
do you remember when you were 10 and you had all that strange wisdom? Remember when I’d protest against almost anything… to have something to fight for. Remember how I would explore every stereotype. Like how come all girls have to like pink? How come I can’t wear a suit and a tie to a formal event and still be a girl? Why does the pressure have to be so strong? Like how come just because I’m the oldest sibling, somehow I’m supposed to be more mature, more responsible, more confident, know exactly which paths I want to lead, set a good example, be something or someone better. And yet, I still want to be a kid… and yet, I still want to be more mature than my younger brother, bc that’s the way of things, right? It feels like I’m slipping. Like compared to last year, I’m falling. And yet, I’m older and supposed to be figuring things out. I feel like something is coming from behind and pushing me towards a cliff or a black hole that will eat me up and I’m over here holding on to everything I possibly can bc I don’t think I could live falling down there. I also feel like no matter how loud I scream, no one hears me… I’m scared. I’m scared to be someone completely different. I’m scared for my friends to walk away and I’ll still be trying to cling on. I’m scared to grow up. I’m scared to disappoint, to let down. I’m scared to lose myself. To lose everything. I’m scared I’ll lose my friends… I’m scared to lose just thosefriends, who I need more than anything, but I’m scared that I’m holding them back. And yet, this is a bad time, possibly the worst time to be slipping. I need to be strong. I need to lead. I need to fight. I need to take ahold of my life. I need to do this, do that. But how can I possibly do that, when right now, I’m so close to that edge. And it’s no one’s fault but my own. I need to grab onto something, anything, just something that’s sturdy enough to pull me up just a little farther. Because, after all, I’m supposed to be better, right? All I know, is no matter how far I can be to falling, I still got to turn around and push back at that something that’s pushing me orfind another way out. Come on Senna, your whole life you fought to find another route out of something… use it. You need to. Don’t follow the crowd. Be yourself. Live in the moment, like you always seem to do. Remember to hold on to what you need and let go of what you don’t. You got this, no matter how much of a wreck you are.
Stay strong
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