A letter from Apr 12, 2025

Dear FutureMe, I think you imagined this time to look very different. By 26, you would have found a job you're happy with and maybe even met someone. Would have managed to stop loathing yourself and actually found momentum to happiness. Yet life had other plans. You finally got your masters. But the economy and science is so ****** that you can't find a decent job. You got rejected from the one place you really wanted to work at. And you can't trust a man to save your life. The only thing you've been doing lately is exist. You feel incredibility fatigued all the time. Sleep doesn't sustain you. I think I'm emotionally burned out. I have been for quite some time though. Years. I hit rock bottom a few times now. 2,5 years ago and then again a year later. Every time I overcome some kind of hurdle, I get thrown another. And I'm so tired. I'm tired of having to fight my way through life. I'm tired of being rejected from jobs. I'm tired of having to deal with the emotional turmoil in this house from my parents. I'm tired of being constantly criticized. I'm tired of not having my own space. And I'm tired of being lonely. But more in the sense that a grieve the years where I didn't feel this way. Or at least, less. I'm just tired. Tell me this gets better? I can't imagine how my life will look like next year. I always have trouble with uncertainty. You'd think the pandemic would have taught me something. Yet the stakes were way lower back then. I adjusted a lot faster. Now the stakes are higher, and idk what I'm doing. Do I regain my ability to breath? Or am I still tired? Love always