A letter from Apr 07, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Right now, we're experiencing another close to rock bottom moment in our life. I am not in good terms with my siblings. I don't know if you will still remember the details about this conflict, but I hope as you read this letter, you are all well and back to the way things were (if not better). I am also outgrowing (and probably being outgrown by) friends that we hoped would stay as our good friends and colleagues in the future. I am also not feeling like I'm doing any progress in the clinics at all. In short, all seems to be going downhill. This is another point in our life where nothing seems to be going as planned (not that anything ever went according to plan). Nothing seems to be progressing. Nothing seems to be clear. It's very difficult to be positive right now. I'm yearning for that version of us who was always so positive and loving and caring and full of life. People also loved her. But was it really our fault that we got tired? That we were burnt out? Was it our fault that we cannot keep up that personality and energy? Why did it feel like instead of getting support during these difficult times, we were casted out? We were alienated, made to feel so out of place? Why did it feeel like it was easier for them to avoid this sad version of us instead of asking if we were okay? I have been asking these questions for such a long time. Sadly, up until now we do not have the answers. I hope as you read this... you've found your peace. I hope you really do. I think at this moment, I am being taught to truly let go of what I cannot control -- even losing people so once very precious to me. I hope you have found peace even in the absence of those who we've spent nearly a decade of our life with. I hope you are living the best time of our life yet. I hope you do not forget that life removes because life makes space so that life can add. I hope you don't forget that sometimes people just come and they also go when they have served their purpose in your life. I hope you remember that right when you are about to soar, everything has to crumble apart because you are being rebuilt into a better version of you -- the one who can take you to your highest self. Some things are prettier and stronger when placed back together. I believe that is us. It has been such a long time since I've written anything containing my thoughts. I haven't journaled in such a long while. I have avoided composing FutureMe letters. I didn't have the drive. I didn't have the energy to face my conflicts. I cannot seem to face anything nowadays. Maybe that's why I get so overwhelmed and lost and so so stuck. My god, I really miss the bubbly version of us. Honestly, I don't know if I got better or worse from that version. She seems to have everything under control. But then again, she also held onto some people she didn't even like. With that, I'd like to think that I still learned a lot from being her. I may be a better version of her right at this moment, just... sadder. I hope you are a better, happier version of us. I know right now I have so many doubts in my heart, so many negative thoughts. And right now, honestly, I actually feel like giving up. I hope you get to read this a year from now and be thankful that I fought hard. That I survived. I hope I survive this time so that you get to be victorious a year from now. If life still isn't going as planned, I hope you keep going. I don't think it's fair for you to give up when I've fought so hard to live today. Please have the courage to live. To reach out. To love life again. Please remember that you are loved.