A letter from Apr 04, 2025

Hi, you wrote a letter for your ex today. Have a read at it, I hope you're with him now, and could laugh about it with him! But if you're not, maybe it'll still be funny to look back on it. GULP. You're sooo corny, that never changed. (Almost) 3 Months Life Update: April 4, 2025. Tomorrow is your birthday! Cakes and candles brother, I hope you’ll feel my wishes for your beautiful next chapter even if I can’t say them out loud. I want nothing but the very best for you, because that’s what you deserve! My sweet, kind, loving, earnest, truthful boy. I hope you’ll continue enjoying this season with your friends, free from responsibilities, and just be a kid again. I hope you’ll figure out yourself and everything you want, and I know you’ll achieve them all. I hope you’ll have lots of fun and excitement transitioning into university (which is probably UW), and meet lots of people. I hope that you’ll find your niche, and feel so at home in your new community. I’m prepared for all the wishes to be accompanied by a little heartbreak for me, whether that means I’ll slip your mind for a long time, or that you’ll feel relieved in my absence, or that someone newer, kinder, and lovelier comes along that’ll change your perspective. I’m honest and fully genuine when I say that I’m prepared, and if that’s God’s plan for you and what you want, then that’s what I wish for you too. Here’s a little life update that you didn’t ask for :)! I’ve made a lot of progress in the past (almost) 3 months. I’ve tried many things, but I didn’t stick with a lot of them (the gym, especially). I learned a lot about myself, I feel like a new person. I’ve achieved a lot of goals, and I’ve gotten excited about life again. Still, despite so many revelations and changes, my life still feels like it’s on pause. Like a track that’s waiting for you to press start again. So corny, lol. But I mean it. I am alive but not living, if that makes sense. Everything doesn’t feel half as colourful as our summer together. And I find myself yearning for it no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise. I’m stuck here, help me! It’s not a painful feeling though. It’s not loud or overwhelming anymore, but like a soft background noise as I move on with my days. One thing I really realized was that life really goes on regardless of what you want. The earth keeps spinning even if I’m on the ground struggling to get up, and the days will pass regardless. And it took getting up everyday when I felt like I’d lost everything, and truly trying to be and feel better, for me to appreciate this quality. The days are passing whether I’m counting down to a deadline or not, and, to be honest, life feels so relieving when I’m not dreading the seasons passing–when I’m not stuck in a present, and I genuinely want to keep moving forward. I feel like I’m doing life right for the first time in a long, long time. I also finished when life gives you tangerines, and it is such a beautiful show. It made me reflect a lot on life, and us. I’ve been dreading thinking about this…Gulp. I realized all the ways our relationship had hurt me, and I decided to forgive it all. I decided that it is something that’s worth letting go of, just for the chance for us to start anew. But I’m scared you don’t feel the same way. I’ve been scared every single day, you know. In subtle thoughts that I drive out, I feel it all the time. I am so, so afraid of you letting me go. But I’m gonna let it be. I’ll give it all to time and God, and you. I’ll let you decide what’ll work and what won’t and what you want. It’s embarrassing, but it’s not like I don’t get plays, you know. It’s not like I have no self-worth either, and I cling onto whoever comes around. I love my own presence, I like being alone more than being with people. I love myself so darn much, I think I’m the awesomest person who’d ever lived. I get hit on all the time, and there are many cute guys who like me, you know! I’m really, really funny, and I’m smart. I have hobbies and goals. I believe in myself, like a lot. And I know I can achieve anything. I don’t ever give up on anything I really want (evidently). I’m such a kind and loving girl. And to top it all off, I’m gorgeous! I am everything younger me had hoped I’d be, whether you’re here or not. So why is it that the one thing I want the most, won’t acknowledge me? Dammit. It’s so frustrating. Why won’t you see me for the prize that I am? Why won’t you come begging at my door, the way I fight to not do for you everyday? Why do I feel so devoted to you when I know that I’m just a passing thought for you? I think about you every **** day. Most of the time, you’re my first thought in the morning. Probably all the time, you’re my last thought before I sleep. I can’t bring myself to say yes to new people. I keep telling myself and them that “I’m not looking for anything right now,” but that’s the biggest lie of the 21rst century. I’m just looking for you. In every car that drives by me, in every person I meet, on every street I walk, in every place I go. I look for you everywhere, it’s so **** annoying. I want you so bad. I’m forever here. I think I’ll miss you forever. I love you, MT.