A letter from Mar 31, 2025

Dear Ryan- I am writing this on march 31st 2025, my 27th birthday. If this glitchy website actually works you should be reading this on your 28th birthday. I drove home from riverside area today because it was Anthony Nelsons wedding, to Brenna. It was really a tender wedding. I forget how much people pray though, it was my first time closing my eyes to pray in so long. Right now I feel a lot of anxiety in my chest. Mostly because I have a lot of work this week, and I am also moving out of my sublet into my/our very OWN studio apartment right next to the scientology building on fountain. I feel this knot in my chest also because I have no money still- I had to borrow money from dad, and $200 from abby which I will venmo her back tomorrow, But I really hope when you are reading this we have a chunk of money saved up. I really feel so tense in my body right now, just a long emotional day, plus I have so much on my mind about this week: double dip working, moving out of sublet/key handoff, getting mattress and moving into new apartment- figuring out when merritt is coming, i think most of all finding time to finish my painted backdrop is what is stressing me out the most lol. I really wanted it to be good and I simply have not and really need to find the time to make it. My big birthday bash on sunday will be so fun- im realizing it is kind astressing me out too. ANYWAYS.... this has turned into a venting session, and I am sure whatever you are going through right now is stressfull too- but it is nice to imagine me reading this a year from now, having totally forgetten about the stresses of moving, and akbar party and what not Right now in life I am proud of my self for the gigs ive worked, and the places Ive been, I am still in love with merritt and I feel this sort of presence about dating him. It feels like something that is really good for me, and i want to keep cherishing him. he pisses me off sometimes but mostly i think about him and i feel a swell in my heart it almost hurts. anyways i get anxious these days and i hope if you sitll do you got a system to chill out. this upcoming year I really want to nest, and find rest, and slow building if things. one time recently at century spa we were talking about the cold plunge, and the guy edward that owns it told me and John, that "rome wasnt built in a day" you have to take it day by day and eventually you can do the cold plunge. For some reason that struck me and i cant forget it, i think this season i was particularly impatient, and I want to be more patient this year and start slowly learning things, and doing some seed planting and **** i feel weird about 27, but i feel like there is so much i dont know about life and what will happen next that i feel like worrying about getting older is pretty lame. okay i hope when you are reading this you are having an amazing night. I love you ryan and we have come a long way like, this plotline we are living is crazy and honestly who the hell knows what is happening i guess this is a reminder to keep being curious and not be narrow minded about what you think is going to happen next this year. okay I love you. please take care of yourself like you would take care of me.....