Your 23-Year Old Self

Do you know that feeling of silence and a sense of preparation anticipating a lengthy writing session? It’s what I am feeling currently as I simultaneously acknowledge that I am what I condemn, the condonation of work resistance of a lengthy activity. But now feels different compared to the previous writing activities, I feel like there’s an immaculate energy circulating boosting my motivation. I’m ready to fill out this year’s Birthday Letter after more than a month of delay—the condonation of resistance, itself, caused the delay. I just finished reading the whole Birthday Letter received this year, I’m touched by the very person I was from his countless new experiences, new adventures, and new people. I can’t wait to express what has changed and added to the great book about the story of my life. I’ll explain in the following what has and what has been throughout my 23rd year of breathing as a human being. Here’s the only thing I can truly say as early as now: a roller coaster of a journey that was, a journey I may only experience a very few times in my lifetime. I’ve spent half an hour revising the questions previously asked to complement a much-assessed scenario relative to the year it was sent. The questions revised are as follows: 1. How would you describe yourself now? There are a lot of things running through my mind right now, trying to construct what exactly I am or who I am based on my self-accounts. Building a character resonates from one’s mindset control and being practical with it, but identifying one’s character is not directly identifiable. I do change as time passes—as all people are—and the following is who I think I am, well, nobody knows me better than myself: 1.1 I am in an inconsistent but frequent state of quarter-life crisis as I transition to a new position in life. Being an adult and growing up, what we all can agree, is something we don’t want, but it’s part of life and it’s inevitable. These crises happen because we have yet to adjust to life’s stability. I left my academic life after almost 20 years, I am preparing to take the LECPA then after getting a job. I have yet to create a journal about my crisis; to resolve things, we have to dive into the discomfort and try to harmonize it. 1.2. I finally have the momentum to prioritize my physique, I am quite physically active. I established a program for my dance session and workout—yes, I do workouts now—then walk/jog each morning to catch up with my cardio, all for the sake of my health and physique that I've ever chased. I plan to achieve my dream physique at the end of the year with the implementation of my fasting system. 1.3. I’ve noticed a downside of my development lately as I notice that resistance is powerful, I remain idle and stay away from the discomfort of doing what I must (procrastination). I have yet to resolve, study, understand, and apply the rules of dopamine to control my motivation. 1.4. I’m not as surprised and emotional as ever before, I am desensitized from the constant exposure to the same experience. What I value and see emotionally before is not the same as how I see it today. The preciousness of 1st experiences is not that precious anymore, at least as I feel it. It has something to do with dopamine depletion and neural rewiring, which is part of my yet-to-understand and study of the science of dopamine, and perhaps I may be able to resolve such mental issues. 1.5. I currently don’t have any physical “social” connections to anyone, as all my friends are away from our hometown for LECPA review and the future. Those who still reside in our hometown are the ones I told that I am not here to avoid them from distracting my LECPA review sessions. 1.6. I have become more reasonable and political, despite all the people who exert their points but are not able to become sensible, rational, and fair. I have become much more altruistic and fight for the interest of what I think is right, morally and legally—all these despite having little improvement in my debating/arguing skills. 1.7. My mental capacity improved a lot. I get to think more clearly and immediately create points deemed reasonable. 1.8. I’ve never been as organized as now. I want everything as organized as possible. If I see a slight clutter, my intuition would complain about its disorganization and immediately harmonize it. 1.9. thought that my social health and association would be better as observing its trend during the edge of my academic timeline, as recently assessed: I am still the non-social person I am despite the eagerness to change it. Though as they say, if you have the will to change, it will eventually find its way to be resolved. 1.10. My crown, as seen in the very first journal of my revised personal system, is recovering! I remember how saddened I was by how it was receding, and it would affect my confidence. With sufficient research and application, I am slowly regaining the hair I thought was balding. 1.11 As an aspiring CPA, it’s part of our duty to raise our skepticism. My skepticism aroused and questioned things that my younger self would believe. My skepticism made me see transparency and not blindly follow what others tell me to follow; with this, I oppose cults, politicians, religions, etc. 2. What were the best moments? As I try to recall the most memorable and what I consider the best moments, I can only think of 3 for my whole 22nd year. Let me try to recall why so: 2.1. The 27th National Mid-Year Convention was located in Iloilo City. I came with nothing, and I went back home with a lot! And those are a lot of intangible things. You know what’s more valuable on Earth? Anything intangible, and it’s exactly what I treasure during the writing of my life story at that time. 2.2. Finally met all of our associates who went to the Convention, I met my anaksies, and my fellow NEOs once more. I made a lot of connections and closest friends, but more importantly, the comfortable friendship I established with Ana, whose father is from my hometown: Calbayog. 2.3. Angelica Dejaros was one of the people who were curious to see what I look like in person, so my anaksie, Bea, told me to follow her to their room for Angelica to see me. Angelica has a big significance in my story later. 2.4. We performed our department’s dance during the Opening Ceremony of the Convention, and I made the whole venue cheer for us. We had the most audience impact that day. 2.5. Aside from my thousands of contributions for each event, we went on a provincial tour and then to Guimaras for our afterparty the next day, doing countless things, then catching our flight back to Ilo-Ilo the same night. A lot happened, indeed, that reminiscing about Ilo-Ilo brings back countless emotions. It’s something I will never forget. 2.6. I’ve felt it again, the feeling as if I have the star in my name during our graduation back in late May. I can’t believe that I was able to contribute a lot during the practices, and with the awards I received, I’ve never felt so accomplished. Everyone respected me, and Sir Givet saw me as someone who had great potential with my talent; I even contributed to the final choreography. What tops all of this is the fact that I created my final passion project as a student, and created a dance video centered on our graduation. Many faculty members reacted to the video, including my friends, colleagues, and others. Truly a time capsule video. 2.7. The 41st Annual National Convention, another NFJPIA event, together with NFJPIA’s Year-End Awards 2024, was an astonishingly abundant experience and event I will forever keep in my heart. It’s not the event itself that I’m referring to but the events afterward. Let me recall them: 2.7.1 Going to Manila was a problem with my face, because of my wisdom tooth, my face swelled. I failed to arrive exactly on time for my flight, so I missed it, While at the airport, I decided to go to Manila with Jeven through the bus terminal near our home. I don’t know if there was a divine thing that paved my direction, but it became a good thing because Jeven needed a companion to go to Manila because his parents were opposed to him saying he must stay at home and look for a job. Jeven didn’t have enough money for a return journey, but I had spare money to give him from winning a Toyota competition. Jeven needed me, and I needed Jeven; what happened was the ideal turn of events. 2.7.2 The whole 2-day event at Batangas was super memorable as I also performed for my colleagues and perhaps the greatest emotional performance I’ve done for anyone. They cheered and did a standing ovation for me after Yssa’s speech. I can’t get over how I was one of the people who made the night magical and emotional. 2.7.3 The next day, the TWG had to pick individuals to proceed to PICC and others to stay and enjoy the day. I was one of those who needed to proceed to PICC to help our sponsor, CPA Australia, in assisting them with the May LECPA passers. A lot of laughs and memories were created from such an experience. I never expected to meet and interact with the accounting legends and figures there. They’ll be engraved in my memory and heart forever. 2.7.4 The next day is our afterparty at Cavite. We traveled a lot, which created a different zeitgeist for such a short amount of time. We are to enjoy the day as our final day to meet with the associates as NEOs and as associates. Cypee and I went shopping in Cavite to buy materials for the afterparty, enjoyed the remaining time with the activities, and then finally made a decision I never expected to result in something which is detailed in the journal “JPIAn Love”. After this, we went back to Manila to stay for the NEOs’ post-term activities. 2.7.5. Early morning on July 30, 2024, is the moment I’ll never forget. It was when Angie and I talked about us intimately. This was in Pateros, I joined Bryan to go to them (Sponlog associates) to socialize with them one last time before going back to our transient for our year-end firm visits. 2.7.6. The next day is our trip to a magical place! The Enchanted Kingdom! I didn’t even know of its existence until we went there. It was my first time there and I enjoyed the heck out of our time there. I’ll never think to have a bucket list checked when it’s not even listed. This event was Angie’s birthday. 2.7.7. Lastly, on the date with Angie at MOA I learned about so much there. How romantic can you imagine being with the woman you love facing the sea during sunset, I wish to repeat living that moment. She even accompanied me to my final flight at the end of my NFJPIA story, one last final flight to go home … she was the last person I saw. 2.7.8. NFJPIA’s 41st ANC was jam-packed, and I consider it the primary best moment I had in my life so far and it was in 2024! 2.7.9. For the first time, I became a dance judge in a physical competition: EXOR’s “Break ‘Em Out 2024” together with Mika and Edmar. The doubt I had before pursuing the position was right after all. If I believed in my self-doubt and wasn’t surrounded by people who think about dreams and goals (TOYOTA internship: Rachel, JJ, and Miggy), I might continue to become a nobody. NFJPIA will forever have a space in my heart despite all the hurdles I underwent. NFJPIA’s 41st ANC was jam-packed, and I consider it the primary best moment I had in my life so far, and it was in 2024! I realized I’ve been writing long-windedly, so I’ll try to shorten all my words. 3. What are the worst moments? Whenever I hear what my worst memory is, I always associate it with memories that are emotionally devastating for me. Let me try to recall those moments, though I may not remember all: 3.1. Pop dance competition wherein I taught the new batch (after I graduated) with high hopes and confidence—evidenced by previous years’ performances—that we’ll win. Turns out we didn’t, I felt the pain of losing once more from underestimating our opponents. What’s more painful is how I treated my dancers due to my overconfidence created because of the 2 EXOR members. I shouldn’t have scolded Feona, I should not have acted harshly towards them, and I shouldn’t have made them have the same mindset as I. 3.2. Angelica and I could have been something only if I hadn’t broken her non-negotiables (specifically snitching against her). She told me a secret I shouldn’t have told anyone about RV’s behavior and dissent towards Aquiluxis NEOs. I told the NEOs that I shouldn’t. She learned it was me because I was the only I learned about it from her. She later ended our developing relationship with no space for forgiveness. I haven’t moved on for so long, even today she sometimes visits my dreams. Waiting for one day to stop. 3.3. I remember when I still had one deliverable for NFJPIA, and that was the creation of the legacy video of the Aquiluxis Federation. I was worried about the deadline and the multiple pushes of the posting schedule because my laptop’s monitor died during our after-after event at Cavite. My stress and anxiety went over the top, I was emotional eating and eventually gained weight. I ordered the LCD for it but it wasn’t delivered home even when the parcel itself had arrived in the city. This was the last time I’ll ever let myself loose away from my normal standards and discipline. I felt incredibly insane. 3.4. I don’t know why, but it’s a part of me to be furious if my efforts are wasted even if others did the waste. We lost our Baile-San competition, which I thought of (the choreography and overall theme). Members’ discipline was off, and skills weren’t on par with other groups. Even with the complexity and creativity of the routine, it didn’t equal the sufficient skill to execute the piece flawlessly. It felt as if I had broken up with somebody. Forcing myself to look at the positive, it gave me thousands of insights on what to improve next. 4. Do you regret anything so far? What would you change if you could turn back to the past? It’s part of my mantra not to regret due to the belief that life is short, but there are things out of our control, and even with the mantra, some happenstances are outside our values. Here are the very few regrets I can think of: 4.1. The relationship with Angelica Dejaros. I can think of 2 ways if ever I am given the chance to change our destiny: (a) I shouldn’t have started the connection; I wish I hadn’t given her the “I Love You” note during the after-party event. Or (b) I shouldn’t have told the NEOs about the secret she told me (about RV). 4.2. I should have taken accounting seriously and kept studying with a vivid understanding, instead I was chill doing other else that didn’t develop my career/future. I wish there was anybody or anything that made me realize that accounting needs to be taken seriously DURING my 1st year as an undergraduate. 4.3. I wish I had started working on development as early as possible (speaking, social, arguing/debating) and taken it seriously, but I did nothing. 4.4. I despise myself for not holding my self together, letting myself without assessing making me overwhelmed and crippled. 5. Who’s the notable person you’ve met? All my friends at NFJPIA (NEOs, associates, and people at the firms). If I have to mention specifically who the top most important person that came into my life during my 22nd year, it would be Angie. 6. What are your self-expectations next year? The following are what I think I’ll achieve for my 23rd year: - Music producer + make a song - Great progress in addiction recovery - Achieved dream physique - Improves speaking skills and argumentation - Improves social skills and extroversion - improved passions and skills (dance, writing, beatbox) - Better dance skills (learned basic breaking) 7. Conclusion and final words. This may be only 7 questions as compared to last year’s 10, this is changed due to logical reasons (all of the questions removed are already answered from previous long-winded answers). This is still subject to changes in the future. If I have to speak sincerely, my 22nd year is the best so far in my life, mainly because of travelling (Iloilo, Guimaras, Manila, Cavite, Batangas), going to significant places (PICC, big accounting firms in the Philippines), and all others that can’t be converted into tangible materials. 2024’s theme was “watch me shine”, and in 2025 it’s “Growth in Silence”. I’m excited to tell you, my future self, about the changes and development you’re going to reach. On your side, all you have to do is be patient. I’ll see you. Here's to our 23rd year! 🍻 Au revoir.