A letter from March 27th, 2025

Time Travelled — 12 months

Peaceful right?

Happy 35!
I know you're hoping for a letter from far far back, but all you've got is me, a year ago this time.
I'm doing this, because I got a letter from myself exactly a year ago. It had gone unnoticed how I no longer struggled with a sleep schedule, loneliness, depression and suicidal thoughts that led to midnight visits to the psych ER.
The challenge right now is not as much mental health, but once again taking the next steps to establish a place in society. To have a job that's interesting and rewarding. 
I'm really struggling with that. And it's a straight 180 degree wall upward. I struggle. 
My self confidence is through the floor on most days and I can't get an erection with Johanna as I don't have the confidence to believe I can deliver even that.
I find it very difficult to take in kindness in times of low self esteem, and I begin to reflect that maybe that's why it's always been hard for me to accept being loved - because I never had the self esteem to understand that other might find something worth loving.
As selfish as it sounds I'll do my best to accept being loved and to keep asking for help to get on my feet. I'm already almost 2 years into Sweden. And we just got a BBQ... I've never left a BBQ behind before...-



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