A letter from Mar 22, 2025

Dear Janet, We lost you today. And I'm in shock. You were so good to me. You walked me through the darkest toughest days of my life. You brought my comfort and showed me how to stiffen my lip when I needed to be strong. You pulled a your-dad, kinda. You didn't give yourself a chance to suffer, which is a comfort for me, but I don't know about your sons. I remember sitting in the heartland parking lot late at night talking to you and you told me that I had an amazing opportunity to say goodbye. My dad was still there, even if he wasn't all there and I should use that time to adjust to losing him. You lost your dad suddenly. And grieved for a long time about your last conversation. And you said it was so hard because he went from there to not. I don't know if there is a good way to lose someone, but I think about that conversation all the time. And I think about you all the time. I think about you making me laugh and texting me about twilight. I think about going on rides with you, I don't even know where we were going but I just remember feeling comfortable. I loved talking on the phone with you for hours. I regret all the missed calls and the text conversations I couldn't maintain. I'm going to think about you all the time. I'm going to keep you as my little devil on my shoulder. You pushed me to make choices for me. You felt like my little hedonistic cheerleader, which was so different from the other adults in my life. ****, I miss you. I love you. I'm sorry.