A letter from Mar 20, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Dear FutureMe, Well, things are gradually happening. That wish to have more friends and a social life, that happened. Wanting to make Jon a friend, that happened. Leaving Xaviar, yeah, that also happened. We already left the drugs, the steroids, the immunosuppressants. We live in Halifax now, with a flat on our own. We live the kitchen in this flat and spend most days here. We moved the furniture in the living room after a year because it was cramped. It's been six months since you went into A&E with that UTi, you've dated a whole plethora of men that were... Hmm.. gosh. The chefs... Chef 1, chef 2, the lorry driver... The toxicologist, the engineer... The wrestler... The metal detector... The granny handsy one..., the starry counsellor... The one who came back after he went back to his ex wife but then went again because he found someone in Halifax he wanted to be monogamous with.... The heroin addict turned counsellor who was so drawn...to me but ended up with Sandra... Good god. But you found friends. You see family. You have started some gym trial memberships... Job is ok, things have changed a little, you loved it t first but now... You're not so sure. But things at wyca generally are good. You entertained friends, Jon, kat, Anne Marie at yours for a board games evening. Chi is coming over later in the month.. Huw helped you out the curtains and blinds up and you're meeting Yan tomorrow for noodle house sour fish soup noodles.... Life is actually not so bad. You love the gym, you love the classes, the day you felt restless and went and did some yoga... Came home, hot shower and exfoliated, then moisturised the heck out of yourself with that lovely body lotion Anne Marie gifted you from Lush... That was a good day and you slept really soundly. The gym instructor at the gym is lovely and you of course have a crush on him... He's a polish guy and when he shook your hand and I produced himself you swooned a little... Then when he came and spoke to you after the class... That just made your day. Him speaking to you during class? Making you work a little harder... And then praising you? Well... I think he's earning his weight in fold for Pure gym.. That other instructor asking if you'd just joined the gym and if you were new.. and how you're form... Is Perfect! You remember the techniques... It's all still there. You're still sad. Most moments you're lonely and you're still trying to find someone. And it's hard. Yan has a person. Jon has a person. People have people. You go on those apps but you're not really hopeful. That toxicologist was the last straw I think for you. When he said he hoped you're wokeism doesn't impede your open mindedness... You remembered how you never really know someone and you really are starting from scratch getting to know someone... And you're not quite sure you have the strength to go through all of that again. You regret being with xavier. You knew he wasn't great for you but you went ahead.... That's how your loneliness is pushing you to go against your gut instinct. But the gym has been a step in the right direction and... Lots of other things are looking brighter. You went to the theatre quite a bit too in the year. That one with the Christmas carol on the steam train that was fun. And you choosing a theatre production to go to on your birthday... With a reduced price ticket. That was just a lovely touch. You went to the itv studios too! For teacher encounters and got a tour... Into the bowels of the place and then on the roof, into the studios and into the archives. You still look at every man like he's a piece of meat... I'm curious to know when that ends... Slightly nervous that it may never end... I think alot of the values work we did has really helped us this year. It's brought us to focus more on the things outside of us. But ay the same time helping us. Oh and you're using your volunteering days at work. That might be something. Something that we do more of in the future. And plants. You love plants. They don't always grow for you... But you love them! I hope the next year will be great for you and full of more of this and travel! You even baked those cinnamon rolls for Jon, kat and Anne Marie .. granted it was from a box... But still... You've just booked to go to Edinburgh for the national Usk as well... It's nice. The sketchers in the hudds group continue to be lovely and they know you. The Yorkshire USK group know you too and it's nice to be greeted. I know you're lonely. You've joined a group called burned haystack and if nothing else it's be ause you want more that's why you feel lonely... You won't end up in another xavier scenario. Did I mean it when I said I regretted xavier? Only in so much as he wasn't really wanting a family. I guess he supported me through the tsw... And that's been major. Asthma is under control, mostly and the asthma nurse is on your side too.... You're going to be ok. You're also selling your Elland flat... Maybe go into property development... That could be a thing... You have options basically... You are able to make choices and do stuff... That you want to... For the majority of things. I know you want a family. I don't know what we can do about that. Oh and the lawyer. There was the lawyer too. So many old men. Who just want a young play thing. But you're getting on a bit and it feels like every minute is just slipping away. I know. But you've done amazingly well this year. You've achieved sooo much. I think you're brilliant. After everything you've gone through... You're absolutely amazing. And so many others would love to have what you have. So I'm grateful you're still here and preserving. Don't give up. I know you feel like you want to occasionally. But don't. You're doing really well... I'm sat at my dining table... Granted alone. But I have comfort. And friends. And I'm able to look after myself. This is good. And can only get better. Until next year. I love you!!! Xxx xxx 🥰💖🥰💖🥰🥳