A letter from Mar 18, 2025

Dear FutureMe, I'm currently sitting in my dorm at Randolph Macon. I'm scheduling this letter for a year, and as far as i know, you'll be at a different school when you get it. I'm so curious as to where you ended up. But no matter where you are, I'm writing to remind you of how this year felt. It has been lonely, exhausting, and painful. You've done a really good job keeping your head up and working hard on what you can control. You've been really brave and strong. People keep telling me that, and I know they're right, but it doesn't help. In my mind, I've done what was expected of me. It would be one thing if people had low expectations for my grades and social life, but they didn't. They expected me to do phenomenally, so when I did just that, I don't feel accomplished. I feel like I met the minimum and hated every second of it. It doesn't make me feel better to think I did a good job because what do I have to show for it? Nothing. But you have something to show for it. You are the product of everything I did this year. Every pointless assignment, every weekend spent studying, and every A on every test was all for you. Every ***** *** college transfer application I ****** myself for was for you. Everything I did this entire miserable year was for you. So please, please don't waste it. I can only hope you're doing better than you did this year, and if you are, you better make the most of it. Think of the utter misery that haunted you every waking moment. Everyone congratulates me for being so positive, for doing everything with a cheerful heart! Only you know that you didn't at all. What are you supposed to say when people ask you how you are? "I've never been so miserable in my entire life and every time I think it can't get worse it does."? "I hate every minute of consciousness and all I want to do is not wake up."? No, you can't say that, so you let everyone believe it's just fine. Everything is just fine. You know it wasn't fine. But I have to hope it actually is now. Don't let my sacrifice and my pain go to waste. I did it for you. When you have no one rooting for you, remember that I am here in 2025 praying for you. I love you enough and I believe in you enough to bust my *** preparing a future for you. Don't take it for granted. Please have real fun this year. You don't have long left, so make the most of it. also, i shouldn't ask you this but I have to know, have you found him yet? are you at least dating someone? If you are, don't take that for granted either. remember how lonely you were and how long you waited. if you're still waiting, I'm sorry. but it's nothing new, so don't let this hurt you. and if you are, thank you. don't **** it up. I love you and I'm in your corner. I'm praying for you. also, you're welcome. Peyton