A letter from Mar 17, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Here we are again. How have you been future me? I'll update you with current events. I'm 29, about to turn 30 in less than a month, I don't know where this year is going but I hope it leads to me having my license and making enough money to move out of my apartment. I had a house meeting with my roommate last week where she mentioned that now that she's approaching her 30's, she would like to live alone. She didn't give a certain deadline as to when that'll happen, but it could be as early and as soon as 2026. So I've been on edge recently. I've never felt at home in that place. And when I started to feel close to feeling at home, she says something like this. And she doesn't have a steady job but now I know that the second she gets one, she'll want to live alone. Obviously my finances are in the garbage and I need more time. I just need more time. I am also approaching my 30's. I imagined that I'd be living with a partner by now and we'd be happily splitting rent in a one bedroom apartment or some ****. But instead I'm here. Living in a home that never felt homey, with a "rich" roommate who hasn't been working most of my time here, and I have finally learned how to properly save without getting anxiety and of course, of course she's essentially kicking me out. I feel like things will line up and that I'll be okay. Best case scenario, I move out January 2026, or even better, June 2026 when it's warm. I know I need to get out before she decides she's ready to live on her own. I just feel this deep uncertainty and I hate it. I hate not knowing what the **** is going on with her. Worst case scenario, I move back in with my parents for 6 months. Max 9 months. I'll save up enough to move out again. I really have to push myself this year. I really have to get my savings in check, work on my credit card debt, and just get my **** together. Look at you, a year in the future, you have all the answers. Is everything okay? Am I going to be okay? I feel gross not knowing what's going to happen. I could talk about this forever. I wish I had all the answers. Do you? You're 30 now. So wise. So "all knowing." You're a god, haha. You probably have a gym membership and a dog now. Oh my god, if you actually do move out, you can get a cat! Wouldn't that be nice? A cat! Or some sort of cute little animal friend! It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Leaving. You want to leave! You've been meaning to leave. I'm talking to you as if I know what happens. I have no idea. I do know this, it makes sense for you to move out as soon as you're capable. It doesn't make sense to stick around in a place that has been driving you up the wall for months now. Well 2 years now. Almost. June 2023 was when you left the nest. Do I pay a moving company to help me?? Okay, there is no need in stressing about this stuff now. I'll stress about it later, for sure. But in this very moment, I need to let it go. Though I think I am getting a stress headache. It's also probably from the lack of food in my system and the intake of coffee into my system. What else is happening in my life? Well I got a grant, I'll be working on my writing this fall with the help of some actors, and I got an acting gig, which is awesome and I am so tremendously grateful. My friends are getting married. I am happy for both friends, but I feel a strain in the relationship with one specific friend and it sucks but I don't want to bring the mood down. Marriage can be a beautiful thing. I'm happy she found her person. I just wish I knew about him before she recited the wedding vows, and I am only kind of exaggerating. I have such a heavy sinking feeling. And I'm sure it's due to me not eating my tart from rexall. I didn't have time to go to rexall and now I'm probably just sad and hungry. I am also on the tail end of my period so I'm sure that has something to due with my feelings of woe. I've been way more creative lately, like colouring, drawing, punch-needling and things like that. It's been therapeutic. It started with the frustration of not being able to express myself to my roommate, and now it's just whenever something is bothering me or if I have some time to ****, I bust out the creative tools. It's important to see the world a little differently, any opportunity I can, as a creative individual. Wow, I miss writing! I am in desperate need of some time with myself so it seems. I haven't done a diary entry in a while, I feel like every time I do, I end up complaining about boys and diving into the complicated healing journey of heartbreak. I can't believe it's March already. March feels like January in a way. Just the feeling of things changing, and the realization that it's a new year is really hitting for me. Maybe that also has something to do with me turning 30. The big 3-0. I wish I could sit with you and talk to you about your experience in your 30's so far. You probably have so much to say. So much to share. It would be so cool to sit down with my future self and have tea and just sip and chat and laugh. I am so curious to know where you're even reading this right now? In the arms of a lover perhaps? At work? At a new job? Are you still watching Frasier or did you finish the series? I just looked it up and there are 11 seasons so there is a good chance you're still chipping away at it. Such a good show! Have you been in a short film recently? I would love to see it! I mean, I probably have already seen it by the time you're reading this. If it exists. I hope it does! I hope a lot of things for you, but I don't want to put too much pressure on you, because I know more than anything that you're just a girl. That sounds so negative, I mean you're only human and living one day at a time just like me. We are one. What else do I have to say? How was Spain? Did you go? How was England? Did you go? How was Miami? Did you go? Right now you're reminiscing about Ireland. I just gasped a little bit because TODAY IS ST. PATRICK'S DAY. Happy St. Patrick's Day! Are you in Ireland right now? Ya goof! Ya goober! Ya goofy goober! That would be really funny if you were. I hope you are, I know how much you loved that place when you visited Dublin in 2024. Such a dream. I can't wait to travel again. I've been typing for a while now. I typed myself into a frenzy and right back out of a frenzy. That takes skill. I'm not quite sure what my path is right now. I am so unsure what will happen to me from 30 to 31. I have no idea and that scares me. So I find myself writing to you, oh wise, 1-year-older one. Ohhh all knowing being, ohhh knower of the future, how art thou? I don't think I have much else to say. I have been typing for a full hour. My break is in 45 minutes and I already have to pee. Life is funny that way. (Not really, I've only ingested coffee so that explains a lot.) Wait...are you...pregnant? That would be kinda cool. I don't know, the older I get, the more lovely the idea of being pregnant gets. I need to get all my travelling out of the way NOW before the baby comes! And I am getting ahead of myself again aren't I? Well, I can't help it, there are so many uncertainties. You probably know a little more sign language now than before. Good on you. How about Korean and Spanish? Still on the duolingo grind? It's noon. It's noon on a Monday. I'm here until 6. I have to read my book, I have to study for my license I have to, well relax at some point too. Even though I don't have all the answers to everything, I sure do feel better after writing this letter. So diva, from the future, you are still doing some good without even knowing it. I thank you for that. Maybe you're in New York now living your Broadway fantasy. A girl can dream. And that I will. Did you ever become a tour guide like you were setting out to do? Even if you didn't, I feel like you are destined to no longer work the current joe jobs you have. Because they kinda suck and are barely paying the bills. But if you have fallen in love with both your current joe jobs, then nevermind. I do hope you are working in a field where you don't feel so pissed off about minor things. You deserve to go to work and smile, genuinely, every now and then. That I am sure. I must go now. I must return back to the present. Currently staring out the window at work, looking at the downtown core, the hustle and bustle of it all. People still have winter jackets on, it's negative two today. Oh Canada, you little tease. It was warmer last week. I must be going, but this was fun. I trust that everything is going to be okay. After reading this, go ahead and clock out for me - kidding, if you are reading this at work haha. Listen to Whitney Houston - I'm Every Woman. And shout out to Chaka Khan. Happy international women's month. I hope you enjoy your day! Heck, enjoy your year! Happy early birthday! This month I'm excited to see a production of a play I wrote be put on in a festival. So hyped! So there are current things to look forward to. Even if life seems scary right now. And my 30th is all planned out. I hope you had a fun one, seeing as you already lived through it. Was it as scandalous and fabulous as I see it being? Why do I even ask, I know it was. I wish you well, future me. I wish you all the best, always and forever. This is getting soooo sentimental, I am going to stop writing now. Hugs! Love, March 2025 you